one of my alternate online identities...
back when I was getting into the online dating scene, I decided to make a suitably anonymous name for a disposable hotmail account. I don't know why but at the time the thought of species labelling popped into my head (like "Homo Erectus" for defining mankind.)

I added a cheeky slant to this and "Stiffus Erectus" was born..... the email account apparently still works, although I have no use for it anymore. It has successfully served it's purpose in netting myself a great girlfriend!
(Mad_Nashy WHEEEEEE!, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:56, Reply)

It made me spit 7up out of my nose
While visiting my grandparents one summer I was out witha couple of friends and being introduced to people. My mate does the honours and we get to John, and Pat goes "Thats John over there. Hes only got one testicle. Everyone calls him Bollock."

Genius.
(TheBishopOfSoho, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:54, Reply)

...
My name's Lee. You can't really shorten it, and L would be a silly nick name, so the next logical step is to lengthen it... So I'm known as Leeroy to most people.

In school my nick name was Mack, Macky, Macker etc.

But now I am more widely known as Leemondo, or Monders :0)

A few mates nicknames: Uncle Andy, Mad Chris (he calls that himself, the weirdo!), Gooser, Plank and Bo.
(The Splendid Oaf, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:49, Reply)

I'm 22 years old
Yet my friends still insist on calling me "Bendy". It's an abbreviation of my surname and nothing else, before you ask!
(WildType is remixing your mum, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:47, Reply)

one of my teachers really hated it......
She was a but of a grumpy "bearded lady" who wouldn't accept any humor or entertainment in her classrooms. Behind her back she gained the nickname "Hitler".

It annoyed her so much it got to the point that if anyone called her "Hitler" to her face she would call the cops and threaten a harassment lawsuit!

/edit: I think I vaguely recall a student or two got expelled becasue they were cheeky enough to keep doing it... Which was a good thing too because they were a couple of a number of bastards who used to bully me a lot...
(Mad_Nashy WHEEEEEE!, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:39, Reply)

Someone i know
Where i work there is a guy in a different department who in 2004 had a huge bushy beard and glasses and bore more than a passing resemblance to Dr. Shipman. Naturally he became known as this over the next week and next time he appeared the beard had gone!

I also know someone who is known as 'The walking compost heap' due to the fact that their personal hygeine is almost none existant.
(The lord Boo., Fri 19 May 2006, 16:36, Reply)

My nickname
was 'Puffy Cheeked Hamster'...because when i was younger and i grinned, my cheeks looked all big like when hamsters fill them with food!

Even though my cheeks are normal sized now, i think i'm going to be cursed with 'Puffy Cheeked Hamster' for years to come!

Edit: after posting this i looked down and the post below me was about being a hamster look-a-like too...how creepy!
(Vicki105, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:34, Reply)

Hamtaro
Because I looked like a hamster up until the age of at least 15 (even I admit that I looked like a hamster).

Doesn't stop the kids who made it up being bastards.
(Graz Da Frog, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:33, Reply)

Canteen capers
Long ago in an office far far away there was a lady in our work canteen who was a wee bit slow (but only a wee bit) and a bit large. I was told her name was Claire. Mercifully I never called her Claire, as it was not her name, it was just what my colleagues called her.

Short for "Claire in the community".
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Pigeon
my fella has got a rugby shirt from his old club with the word "pigeon" on the back where his name should be.

when i quizzed him about it, seeing as he is a tall human man and not a grubby little feathery rodent, he informed me that on a drunken rugby tour some years ago, a pigeon had landed on him during a drinking spree (him, not the pigeon).

Having landed on him, it then died. Also on him.

He was known as Pigeon till he left the club.

First time, so I won't get pregnant. Will I?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:24, Reply)

N'other one: Bun
Being the product of a simple progression, viz: Ben Young=Young Ben=Bun Yeng.

wouldn't mind, but I foolishly used it on a Group way back at the turn of the century and became 'Bunny'. Not so good for a red blooded male
( same as yours, but on fire will explosively decompress on, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:23, Reply)

Swampy
Someone in the office has just christened me "Swampy" due to my facial hair and habit of wearing a woollen hat at all times (I just forget it's there, honest).
(yesyesyes, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:17, Reply)

Apologies to Mr. Kilminster...
When I was a fat speccy git aged 14 at boarding school, the older boys would raid our dormitories for food/drink/porn on a regular basis. In retrospect these older pupils were quite 'grunge' before the term was coined, though we used to call them the 'dirt squad'. They thought it was hilarious that I had a collection of Motorhead etc. on tape and ironically dubbed me 'Lemmy'.

Which stuck for a few years, rather satisfyingly. I still love Motorhead...
( PastorSauce : easy on the anchovies..., Fri 19 May 2006, 16:16, Reply)

I have long hair, so what!!
As you can most probably tell my name is john but as my mates REFUSE to accept guys can have long hair so they dubbed me joan. (so what u may think). However this name got used so much that people started to forget my name (and my sex) after about 6 months of being called this, my teachers at 6th form started calling my joan instead of john. I remember my computing teacher looking at my work with the name john written on it and he asking who's work this was when my m8s pointed at me he went "oh!, joan". Even when i phoned my friends houses i heard their mums shouting at my mates, "ian! it's joan!!.

Personally the worst point was when my parents stopped calling me john but joan. So now it has stuck and i am waiting for the day when i get arrested and a judge not accepting my real name.

On another note: A drunk guy in teh pub 1 day saw me and decided i was a girl and started hitting on me. After thinking this was dam hilarious my mates pointed out i was a guy and the guy looking a bit dissapointed turned to me and said, "Don't worry, your mates may have spoilt any chance of you pulling but to me you will always be shaz!" I have no idea where teh name came from but that stuck for a while but not as well as Joan...*sigh*
(Lil_john_pi, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:12, Reply)

Was called Communist Ben at school,
on account of being an argumentative lil' munky in Modern History. Gained the unfortunate moniker 'fwa fwa' at 6th form, on account of being a f***ing smartarse who got on everyone's tits. Thus, when declaiming at length about transubstantiation in Catholic dogma, was quickly silenced by the whole common room shouting fwa fwa fwa FWA at me. Since when I never say anything to anyone ever. Except when drunk.
( same as yours, but on fire will explosively decompress on, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:11, Reply)

A lot of them...
In your average hispanic family, you are given a nickname based on whatever the hell is "wrong" with you (physical, mental and personal aspects). My cousin's nickname is Baldy, though that's because of the kemo.
(The Horizontal Monster Mash Mr. T Pitties Me, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:10, Reply)

Implock
Imp, because my friend said once I look like an imp. Face like an imp my arse. But it stuck.
And lock because of my last name. From that swish tune, Funky Cold Medina. By Tone Loc.
Mostly gets shortened to Imp. Which I quite like, as it happens.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:10, Reply)

A manger I used to work with...
Had the surname of "Marsh"

And he preferred that everyone call him "Swampy"
(Mad_Nashy WHEEEEEE!, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:08, Reply)

My name is Peter
I once accidentally dropped a brick on my Wife's head. (Long Story).
The lad's at work started to call me (wife) Beater.
I work with computers, we are all geeks here.
So they started to call me Beta.
I then had a threesome with my wife and her sister.
So they called me Beta 3.
They shortened it to B3TA.


I wanted my own website, but some bastards had already got that one...
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:07, Reply)

All appropriate
Knew a guy nicknamed Mango because whenever he ran, he kept his arms straight to his sides. He looked rather ape-like whilst running, hence Mango, I suppose.

I daily encounter a cashier with the name Ugh. This pisses him off to a great degree, but it's fitting though as he is probably the missing link.

Finally, a good friend of mine goes by Kunt. His name is Kent, so it makes perfect sense to us and he neither argues nor takes offense.

Edit: Then of course, there's my nick. Pinhead...not the most inventive, but it's because my surname is Penrod. So, logically, Pen=Pin=Pinhead.
(somethingwitty, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:05, Reply)

The many names of Me
Scrubber, The Forehead (on account of me having a big forehead), and (the one nickname I have ever had that is'nt nasty) Timothy. Exactly why Timothy, I will never know; but one of my female friends has the nickname Joe. She is called Emily. And no, we're not transvestites or lesbians.
(Pretty strangers and promises, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:04, Reply)

Actually we were quite inventive.
Back in my local in my home town my mates and I used to put our initials down on the darts scoreboard when we were playing killer. This graduated to us giving each other nicknames based on our initials.

My initials are D R. I will be known forever as Dirty Rapist. The worst bit? I came up with it myself!

One of the best nickname moments came from my old rugby team. It was the start of a new season and the squad were getting together for the first games of summer touch rugby. A lad was there on his own as the rest of his team hadn't shown up and so he asked if he could join us. His name was Dave. So we took to calling him Stranger Dave. Never to his face of course.
My brother only joined our team late in to the season and hadn't quite grasped the nickname nor the fact that we never actually said it to his face. We never saw the poor lad again after he was greated at a training session with 'alright Strange Dave?' by my brother.
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 19 May 2006, 16:02, Reply)

My current
name is wench. It's something my ex used to call me and it stuck although we broke up about 6 months ago. I kept it as a nickname coz it's a great way to confuse people, as everyone has a different interpretation of what a wench is. I take the traditional approach that a wench is a sexy, buxom young lady. It still makes me laugh when people come up with other things though.

Not particularly funny but meh...
(wench, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:59, Reply)

Ah! Almost...
forgot this one. Due to my fiance's (the inimitable Mr Wow) beautiful surname of Uren, his father and his brother were called The Piss Twins at school.

Oh that's so shite. sorry.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:56, Reply)

I once met a Scout Leader
who everyone called "Pappa Smurf"

- probably because of his beard........
(Mad_Nashy WHEEEEEE!, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:55, Reply)

I had a few from high school days.....
because of my first name "Colin" I sometimes got called "Colin Carpenter" (A character from some stupid australian comedy drama, who was a bit of a thick headed idiot).

A few were based around my surname "Nash"
- "Bangers and Mash" (originated some little british cartoon).
- "Flash" (as in Flash Gordon) I didn't get this much, but my older brother got this a bit when he had been through school (back then the "Flash" movie was released featuring music from "Queen").
- "Nashy" became my main nickname, I was pretty much ok with this one. I found out that if I mis-spelled it as "Nashi" it would mean a type of fruit "Nashi Pear".

When I got into network gaming I made up "Mad Nashy" as my online identity. It kinda fitted the reputation of a "crazy fruit" when in playing Quake1 - If I got a little bored, Id get out the axe and try to attack the winning player (usually sporting a rocket launcher), usually unsuccessful, but hell funny when they get offended at being whipped by a dude with the most useless weapon in the game! (I once had a friend scream obcenities from the other side of a usually quiet classroom because of this, he got sent outside for it too!)

I got called many others, but can't and don't want to remember them as I was virtually one of the biggest geeks in a small backwards country town.
(Mad_Nashy WHEEEEEE!, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:51, Reply)

Unfortunate German nickname
A few years ago, my company had an office in Germany which employed an extremely pleasant, mild-mannered sales guy called "Werner".

In true xenophobic style he acquired the nickname "Bunsen" - a contraction of "Bunsen Werner the Jew Burner", which seemed a little harsh.
(Super Jet Shoes, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:47, Reply)

First year of primary school
There were two Neil Shahs in my class. You'd think the Powers That Be might have thought it would be a good idea to put them in different classes, having identical names and all, but no! Anyway, our teacher immediately christened them Neil 1 and Neil 2, and thus was their non-identity sealed for the rest of their school days.

We all called them Neil 1 or Neil 2, on the playground, outside school, even when the other one wasn't present, those were their names.

Neil 2 lives down my road now, and every time I see him I think, "Oh look, there's Neil 2..." nearly twenty years later!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:46, Reply)

The Ice
A couple of years ago, when we were still at senior school and had to do german as a subject, my mate was asked by the teacher when his birthday was. Being 15, he replied 'Erdbeere Eis!' (strawberry icecream)

Over the years it's been shortened simply to 'The Ice', which I've always thought was cool as fudge.
(normannomates, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Blind Allan
He was blind and his name was allan.




*apologies for dwarflike proportions. Rub my stumps.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 19 May 2006, 15:44, Reply)