my nickname started off as
Rick2 because I was the 3rd rick they met in the group of friends I had in sixth form... I hated Rick2 so I told them to give me a decent nickname, they couldn't think of one and I was drunk and said "OH JUST PISSING CALL ME GRANDMA"

now I'm known as
Grandma
G-Man
Grandmaster Flunk
Grandmaddy
Grammaphone (used only when I'm referred to on the telephone or questioned about which odd albums I've got at the moment)

we have a friend called Kris, he used to be a complete one of the lads type things, make fun of everyone for the sake of a chuckle sort of thing, anyway nowadays he's a special officer and he's taken all of the 'don't be rude or offensive to heart'

so we either call him "t'racist in't corner"
or "Black Jimmy Jazz"

and that wasn't very interesting was it
I'm also called Moranis, GMOS, The Hairy Donut (this refers to my pubic area being somewhat of an afro and it looking when flaccid like a thumb sticking through a hairy donut) God (shortened from God Of Comedy, which I don't agree with at all) Moh, Hawker, Mope, Moho, homawk, Dino, Steggers plays pop(steggasaurus) (all due to my hair), two pint wonder (that's changed now, I overdid it when I was 16 fucked up my liver a bit, it's all fixed now) and that's about it
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:21, Reply)

Mathew would have been so proud...
There was a girl in my uni who had was missing the middle and ring fingers of her right hand.

Her nickname, that remains with her to this very day?


Sooty.
(Georgie Porgie, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:21, Reply)

It's nearly impossible
to create an image of being cool when everyone's calling you Carebear (as my first name is Claire)

No apologies for the hummus missing from this post.
( Joliet, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:19, Reply)

Wrong Womble
At college we had a small, nervous lecturer, with black straight hair that looked just like Tomsk form the wombles (the one with the cap).

So we called him Orinoco...?!?!

usually shorted to Ori,he would visibly stiffen at 2-300 yards away when the shout went up-
"Spotted Ori!"

Orinoco spotting was quite popular,as a pastime...
( hplasm, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:18, Reply)

Kinder
There was a boy at school with some kind of genetic condition, which gave him extended facial features and protruding eyes.
Everyone called him "Kinder". Every lunch break he would have a to fall backwards off a wall, asking "chocolate dooby?".
I don't know if he survived past his teens. Poor Kinder.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:17, Reply)

Me and my chums...
One of my mates surnames sort of rhymes with SPACE COW so that name has stuck since way back, another mate hasnt got blue felt for skin, but still bares a striking resemblance to Sam Eagle from the muppets, to this extent we call him EAGLE. he doesnt squawk, but he is a muppet. Also have a mate that gets referred to as biscuit for some unknown reason, plus another mate who is from up north so we call him anything to do with coal. Mine is Bean. dont know why, but have been called it by 2 groups of people, both without knowledge of the other group. I do like to flick beans tho....
(TurboGEEK is thinking wizards should know better., Fri 19 May 2006, 11:17, Reply)

apart from "slag"
(see previous post) my mates currently call me "Lady" "Your Majesty" or "Lady Goodgrove".

Because I'm as rough as a bear's arse.

My cat's nickname is "Your Royal Felineness" and "Your Miaowjesty".
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:16, Reply)

Blame the parents
My boyfriend went to school with a lad named Richard Cranium.

It's sad when they don't even have to try.
(butterflymind, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:15, Reply)

Bus Boak
My dad's mate was christened Polecat Arse Johnson a few years ago after a disturbing incident as a helper on a school trip.

It seems he'd went along as an assistant with his son's class on some day out or other, and during the journey there, Johnson (Senior) let rip and utter f*cking blaster of a trouser gust at the back of the bottom deck of the bus.
Within the space of a mere minute the foul stench had engulfed both decks, and they even had to stop the bus when the kids upstairs were actually being sick out of the windows.

Back at work he was forever known as Polecat Arse Johnson form that day on!
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:09, Reply)

nicknames
I'm one of those people who's had a nickname wherever I've been. I don't know why. At school I was known as Mess or Messy. Not useful with the ladies. Okay I was always a bit of a scruff. I still am. When I scrub up these days my wife still comments on it and tells me I look great with a look of astonishment. After school my druggy, drinky gang dubbed me Parky. My surname is Meadowcroft and we used to watch Brookside which had a soap show inside the soap called Meadowcroft Park. That's how that one started. Now I'm a fully fledged professional paying tax and everything and I still can't get away from the nickname thing. My current name at work is Dad. And I don't even have any kids.
(kevon45uk, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:08, Reply)

The Ever Living
Our maths teacher had perhaps the most unfortunate nickname but, I thought, quite genius. He was bald on top with tufts of hair on the side getting him the classic nickname of "Coco". It got better though when we noticed that he had a strange dent in his head which, in certain lights, looked like a arse on his head. We re-named him... "Bum-Ra" after Mum-Ra the Ever Living in Thundercats. Not bad for 11 year olds.


PS I also know a Monti who it turns out is called David! Nobody understands.....
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:07, Reply)

I was a naive and foolish child..
So when I was being hassled by some girls at high school while in the first year to tell them the size of my manhood I foolishly not only told them but no one had ever said that you should always quote erect length.... So my reply of '7 centimetres' was something I never lived down, 6 whole years of nicknames and grief about that.....

Finally when I left school I was glad to be rid of that one! But then once I started work at my first job I ended up with the nickname 'Gogglebox' (I wear glasses and they were soooo clever!) this somehow got shortened to 'Goog'.. 10 years later if I bump into anyone from that jobn they still know me by that name...

No apologies for length as you already know about that...

*Pop goes the first time post cherry so be gentle!*
(CheekyDave, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:07, Reply)

A Random one
I have a friend who everyone calls Monty. Couldn't work out why, so i asked a friend who went to school with him.

Turns out back in 6th form a bunch of the lads had just seen Withnail & I for the first time and were very amused by the antics of Uncle Monty. So much so they decided that somebody MUST have this as a nickname. It was decided that the next person through the door of the common room would have this honour bestowed upon them. Poor boy.

He's now 28. I've known him for 5 years and only just found out his real name...
(J Y Kelly, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:02, Reply)

not that great but mildly bizarre
my nickname for about 6 months at school was "Spring". as i was the first in my year to get a slamdunk in basketball.

lasted until everyone went "actually, that just sounds really odd", i think. but it was still preferable to some of the other stuff i got called earlier on!
( fross Read your email on, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:01, Reply)

Mr Oates' dad is a Funeral Director
and is known locally as "Dave of the Dead".

I suggested he changed his business cards, but he wasn't having it. Gah, some people have no sence of humour!
(Dozey Oates is off to Merkinland soon (:, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:58, Reply)

My mate...
Is called David Boughey (pronounced Bowie)

He's a top bloke i'd even go as far to say he's a Starman!

We call him Baz though as the nickname Goblin King didn't stick.
( cooler_king That's no moon!, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:57, Reply)

cubs
I had a friend in the cubs called Skidmarks.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:57, Reply)

A selection
There were so many:

Kid at infants with rotten teeth was known as Marsy Bars
Had a kid with one arm who was known as Ren & Stumpy
A Jehovah's witness kid we used to call Santa and ask him what he wanted for Christmas
Lad at school was called Beany after what emerged on his winky after playing pooper games with a girl of questionable upbringing.

I heard tell of a girl at school being called Skippy after leaving a splodgy mess of chewed Skips (they're floaty light!) on someone's old chap following fellatio whilst wearing a brace - i have subsequently found out that this was my big sister.

And i was known as Thrush by the girls at school for a couple of years before anyone explained it to me - apparently i was an irritating c**t.

I'm proud of my length and wear my 25m badge on the front of my speedos
(J Y Kelly, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:56, Reply)

My names Euan
I get called 'urine'
( Munky Boy today I am back., Fri 19 May 2006, 10:55, Reply)

Had some mates...
One called Stocky - never knew his real name. He was stocky.
One called Ging - He was ginger. A few years later I found out his name was John.
One called Pixie. His surname was Picksley, so it just worked.
A mate called Jimbo, named after Jimbo and the jetset.

Never had many nicknames myself. None that I'd like to repeat anyway.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:53, Reply)

I've had quite a few (and that's another reason for one of my nicknames)
At school I had various nicknames including:

Tits Goodgrove (that's what you get for having a wonderbra)
Crudder (no idea)
Squeak
Midget
Midget Gem

Now i live in Spain and my Spanish friends call me "golfa" which quite literally translates as "slag". Nice.

Darren Watson in my school had the best nickname though. It was simple, straight to the point and truthful: "SCRUBBER".

I kissed him once and earned myself the title "Fucking Scrubber".
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:53, Reply)

Not so much worst, oddest maybe...
My mum works in a primary school and I used to go in when I had a day off to 'help', one day I was allowed to take a friend with me and we got sent down to help in Year 1.
The headteacher (who'd known me for at least 2 years) stood the two of us in front of class and introduces us.
"This is Graham and umm..."

I was wearing a bright pink Groovy Chick t-shirt, quite obviously not a boy and the woman had been in the room pretty much everytime my mum had shouted at me...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Fri 19 May 2006, 10:53, Reply)

Athlete's Cock
Proudly anounced by a late arrival at a house party in Cornwall recently.

This was not due to his staggering, leg trembling skills in the boudoir department. No, the young man in question was only too proud to explain he got the nickname after a spell of sock-shafting shenanigans as a teenager. Had the socks in question been washed... he'd simply be called something slinky like Cotton Cock.

They weren't.

Hence a rather odd skin ailment developing on his bald-headed love thermometer. Imagine Kojack with scoriasis. The doctor then, having deliberated for an entire week on the puzzling new illness, asked in the impartial manner only doctors can "do you masterbate into your footwear?"

All told with absolute pride in having created the first STD variant of Athletes Foot. No, he didn't entertain any ladies that long weekend.
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:50, Reply)

My mate at school................
was named 'Pigsy'
No-one EVER called him by his real name
not even the teachers
I never actually found at the reason why he had been given this nickname.
The poor bastard's dad died on the toilet when he was 10 and he had a metal plate in his head that used to set off the theft alarms in shops-not that that has anything to do with it
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:49, Reply)

Oh the shame
I knew a girl at school who's name was "Franny" (short for Frances - obviously)

However she was called "Crunt" behind her back - mainly by me - the minging boyfriend stealing slapper*

*Her of course, not me.
(Dozey Oates is off to Merkinland soon (:, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:47, Reply)

One of my wifes friends
Was quite hairy until she was lasered.

She is still referred to as Fluff.
(Yellow Car is now red, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:45, Reply)

The company nurse
Is quite a big woman. She is known as

Bernard
(Yellow Car is now red, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:44, Reply)

Fcuk
Knew a bloke at Uni called Mustapha.

Very soon he was known as fuck.

Not too sure how he felt about it.
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:42, Reply)

I had a friend whos last name was Fulcher
Which became felcher, after the practice of drinking the semen out of someones orrifice

After a while it then turned into squelch which is apparently the same act except involving a straw.

Nice guy though.
( Cocodaye Miasere likes chips and peas, Fri 19 May 2006, 10:40, Reply)