good evening flatteredbaps
My name is Barbara. I used to get called Boobra. When I finally go postal and break the record set by Martin Bryant back in '96, this is going to appear in the Age editorial.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:55, Reply)

It was a time of war...
War in Yugoslavia in fact. We had a kid called Charles at school. Even though he was English, we called him "Billy the Bosnian" for some reason.

Same kid didn't know who his father was so we also called him Waistcoat. This was in honour of the manufacturers of John Virgo's waistcoats - Nodads.

Apologies for not posting more offensive content for the 'Funerals' question last week.
(misteroz, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:53, Reply)

where to start...
great nicknames from my schooldays

'Sticky' cum - abbrevation of malcolm

Slider (his house was subsiding and sliding down a hill)

a whole menagerie of animals - hen, beagle, snake...

Zest - teh bloke who never washed

oh fuck, too many to recount, all pretty awful. and mine? you think i'm gonna tell you fuckers that? not a chance!
(unintendo rubbed another mans rhubarb, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:51, Reply)

some I made up
I was neither quite shit enough or cool enough to get a nickname at school, apart from being called 'Captain Charlotte' or 'Staplegun'. Oh the wit.

So now I like to make up unoriginal nicknames for singer songwriters. And in fact many of them I haven't made up, I've just stolen anyway.

I don't call her Shania Twain, Shania Twat that's what I like to say.

And then think I am the funniest thing ever, mistakenly.
(clapper, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:50, Reply)

remebered another couple
In school there was this chinese kid with the most awful acne around his nose. He was universally know as bostik coz he looked like a glue sniffer.

Also a games teacher, Mr Roberts, was known as Nookie. Not coz of any extra cricular activities, but because he was the spit of Roger de Courcey.
(jonnywombat has been a waste of money brains and time since, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:45, Reply)

I have a friend Floke:
which is short for Fat Bloke...which isn't actually his name.

But then Fidsy derives from Fids. Which is short from Fido. Which isn't actually my name either
(fidsy, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:45, Reply)

Hmm, Juicy
My last name is Robinson. New school, year 7. Some kid calles me 'Juice'. It stuck till I left in Yr12. Fucksocks.

Also I knew a guy called Ben Bates. The ever-funny cry of 'Master Bates' in the school playground.....
(Black_Dwarf frawD_kcalB, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:44, Reply)

Blood injuries
A few years back my local rugby team got through to the BT Shield final at Murrayfield. It was a huge day for most of the guys getting to play at the national stadium. As the game went on, the team were getting kicked up and down the park.

Everytime a blood injury happened, the same substitue stripped down and went onto the park, while the bleeding player was patched up. This happened 4 or 5 times during the game...

From that day onwards he's been known as The Tampon.
(StevieMcK, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:44, Reply)

Ted
Not me, but was witness to the christening.

Im in the army. We had a new officer posted to our troop, Lt Theodore Budden (Last name changed to protect the guilty). He was doing the introductions, and trying to get on the soldiers goodsides he asked us to give him a nickname. Quick as a snake, our troop Sergeant pipes up -

Sgt - "Ted."
Lt - "What cos its short for Theodore?"
Sgt - "No - short for Shithead."
( Rails [*·:·], Fri 19 May 2006, 14:44, Reply)

The funky fish
Zig and Zag (From the Irish TV show "The Den", who then migrated over to chanel 4) released a large amount of crap when they were in Ireland. Amongst other things they released a few albums. One contained a song about their pet fish "Fink".

The song went something along the lines of:
Fink, the funky fish, he is the funkiest fish around.

Or something like that.

Now one night in about 3rd year (Dunno what you call it, we were about fifteen or sixteen though) we were up in a mates house getting as stoned as possible. Being the raggy little stoners that we were, the sole was peeling off my shoe. One of the guys (JP), who was really stoned at this stage, started playing with it and chanting "Here fishy fishy fishy", leading to me being known as "Fink" for a few years afterwards.
(oeb, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:43, Reply)

SB
was at uni and SB came up as a nickname for me, used to be the only one in the house to manage to get laid so they called me smarmy bastard
( SiX and his hat, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:42, Reply)

my real name has took 20 years for someone to work out a rhyming insult to. But that's not really the point. Nor is the fact that at uni there were so many James' they all had their own 'wacky' nicknames, Including one, who has gone onto great artistic fame and fortune with his, and deservedly at that (it's a very good nickname, though).

No, the' best' nickname I ever came across was FLY. And was owned by a tiny lad with huge pebble glasses. But not because of those. Oh no. It was an inherited title, passed down from kid to kid on his estate, "in the of the way of the Phantom", I was reliably informed. When you gave it up you gave it to someone else, and you then became SPIDER.

I spent many years wondering if you would eventually reach the dizzy heights of HORSE then the inevitable rank of OLD LADY if this system continued in that vein...

EDIT: also remembered I went to college with a lad in my english class named Gilbert. Until the last week of term when a tutor checks the register, and shouts the name Dale. Which turned out to be him. Apparently, years ago people had started calling him Gilbert because it fitted his ginger lanky appearance better than the somewhat more chisel-jawed-Amercian-soap-opera name Dale, and it sort of stuck.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:38, Reply)

My nephew

Is named Nick. So technically you see...I'll get me coat.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:36, Reply)

Rachelswipe
Nobby Clarke:

I'm told it's a hangover from the Empire - one of the words from the Indian subcontinent that the army brought back to the UK. In one of the languages spoken in India (don't know which one) there is a word sounding like 'Nobby' that means Clerk, as in admin type person.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 19 May 2006, 14:35, Reply)

a guy at uni

changed his name to 'Platonet Marx', because he admired both Plato and Marx.

I threatened to change my name to 'Batman Superman' on the same principle, but nothing came of it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:35, Reply)

One that is not an unexpected glasscock
To make up for my earlier misfortune, here's one that I'm pretty sure is original.

Girl I knew at uni, she was a bit of a slut. We called her Thailand.

She banged a lot of cock.
( Kroney, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:32, Reply)

As my real name is Graham Goring...
...I got the usual Boring Goring, and when Quaker introduced Golden Grahams I was saddled with that, too. However the most bizarre one was from Mark Bennett, who referred to me as "Grey Dog Shit". Thanks Mark.
(DrDerekDoctors, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:31, Reply)

Apeloverage
That's the one...have now remembered what the Star Wars theme goes like and that's not right at all.

/coat
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:31, Reply)

At my dad's school there was a boy called Buzz
Quite a cool nickname, until you realised where it came from. Buzz suffered from cerebral palsy or something similar, so he had that thing where he couldn't straighten his arms, and just held them in front of him, with his hands like claws. Hence 'Buzzard'.
(Pachey, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:29, Reply)

I was friends with a large, animate fungal infection affecting the mouth or vagina
Obviously it was known as 'David Beckham'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:29, Reply)

'You name a child Tiago and expect him NOT to be bullied?'
Nicknames have a bitchy way of mutating the monger you keep answering to them. One of my nicknames, if you ask some of my oldest friends, is Cholera.

What a lovely nickname for such a lovely lady, I hear you cry.

I'm quite short, you see. 5ft3 to be exact. So it started out as midget, then became midge, then mozzie and then onto Cholera.

Although I do hate tonic water. Maybe they're right.

Why do people drink tonic water? Horrible bitter fizzy, and then they go and have GIN with it. Horrible bitter fizzy with the aftertaste of aftershave. GAH. Like grapefruit. Why eat shitty bitter grapefruits when you could have a lovely orange? But I digress. Bye.

EDITO! Cried Harry...: Yes. Crap one, but my dad is known to his mates as 'The Razz'. Not because of his razzle-dazzle, or because he goes out on mad nights of booze and women, but because he's a cripple. Rasberry Ripple. Oh ha.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:28, Reply)

Im not Ginger, and Im not Scottish
It was a quiet late summer afternoon in '86, I was about 7. We were playing football in the garages, an area just at the back of our council estate, whose doors made a good sized net, and which made a great racket when the ball hit them.
We were playing 'World Cup Doubles', Me and my older brother versus two of his friends, with another in nets. They were all around 12 and consequentally, I wasnt much use, although I was very keen. As the world cup had just been on and England had done us proud, they were passing the ball between each other, saying "Beardley to Barnes", "Barnes back to Beardsley" as me and my brother tried to tackle them, my brother using "Lineker". They had just passed the ball again, and I heard them chant their "Beardsley to Barnes" Routine, when I run in take the ball, and shout the first footballer that came into my 7 year old head whilst slamming the ball into the garage door winning the game. I turned around to see them all rolling around laughing on the floor. I am known as "Strachen" by them ever since.


---
In school however, due to my surname (Nickells), I got a lot of things; When the chocolate bar that used to be known as Marathon decided on a name change, I was known as Snickers. And as minds and ideas in school usually progress it became Knickers, and finally twisted by my old flat mate in Uni to Nipples.
(Seven Cent Skill, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:19, Reply)

A friend of mine got a new job.
On his first day, one of his co-workers (Jim, or something) was showing him around the office. When they got to one cubicle, Jim whispered to him:

"Okay, I'm going to introduce you to Steve. Now, whatever you do, DO NOT call him Michael."

"Why not?"

"Just don't. Really. Trust me."

Steve turned out to be a pretty decent guy, but it was all my friend could do was not call him Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael. He nearly slipped several times and called him Michael. This went on for something like two years.

My friend and Steve got to be good friends. Finally my friend couldn't take it anymore. He just out and asked him why he shouldn't ever call him Michael.

"I don't know. Who told you that?"

"Jim did, on my first day."

"Oh, that's just Jim. He messes with new guys like that."
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:19, Reply)

Samara Morgan:

QUOTE: "fifty kids burst into a rousing chorus of 'Jane, Jane, Jane, Scrapie Jane, Scrapie Jane' to the tune of the Star Wars theme."

I think you're thinking of the 'Imperial March' rather than the Star Wars theme.

Obviously I was too tough and popular to have a nickname at school.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:19, Reply)

For years
I thought my name was "That boy there"

A friend of mine is known as Mister Shagnasty. I am unaware of any marital performance issues that may illuminate the reasons behind this
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:13, Reply)

My friend EAGLE
if anyone read my earlier post about my mate who looks like sam eagle from the muppets i have an apology to make. I said he doesn't squawk bu he has seen my post and wants people to know he does in fact squawk, but only when he has a lady riding his nob. i however think its when he rides nobs, as he has also had the nick name NOB JOCKEY before.
ps. Steve, please dont buy cheap beer for tonight, nice stuff only please, its friday and i wanna get tanked.
many thanks, BEAN.
(TurboGEEK is thinking wizards should know better., Fri 19 May 2006, 14:13, Reply)

My name is William Vickers.
So what did my classmates call me in junior school? 'Frilly Knickers', of course. Bastards.
(Toist, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:08, Reply)

clark = nobby
i understand why anyone whose surname is "white" gets called "chalky".

but why oh why do people whose name is "clarke" get called "nobby"? does anyone know?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:06, Reply)

None of mine but I started a few
A boy I knew in primary school(called Jack) i called Trevor, soon the wholem of our year knew him as Trevor. Why? Mostly because it pissed him off, and he was a twat so he deserved it.
More recently a few years ago a boy called Chris started to become known as Scum. This very day Everyone in the school knows him as scum,even people he doesn't know will come up to him and say 'Hi Scum'. And I started it all just because he's an Arsenal fan.
(Man at the moon, Fri 19 May 2006, 14:04, Reply)

Stop it now.....
......we've all known someone called 'Thrush'
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:59, Reply)