I'm obviously doing something wrong
Barely a week (sometimes a day) goes by without some helpful chap of far Eastern persuasion called Bob ringing me and helpfully telling me how he can help me write off my debts thanks to some spanking new Government initiative. Each time I politely, but firmly, tell him that my debts are relatively small, of my own choice, and perfectly manageable thank you very much; and besides I have no interest in declaring myself bankrupt.

And yet still, he keeps calling. Despite the one time that Sweary Jr answered the 'phone and wouldn't let Bob get a word in edgeways for 20 minutes as he spouted random shite down the line at the poor, unsuspecting call centre monkey. I imagine Bob cowering in his seat, trying to get a word in as he was bombarded with a stream of 14 year old guff about guitars and chocolate and video games until Bob finally hung up... then rang back two minutes later, only to be treated to the same aural assault by SJ, who was by now really getting into his stride and subjected him to another ten minutes of verbal overload before he hung up again.

The other day, Bob got the missus this time, and she asked to speak to their supervisor to politely request that Bob stops ringing us as we are not interested in financially cunting ourselves in the fuck for the sake of writing off a few grand's worth of perfectly manageable debt. Supervisor agreed that they will stop calling us from now on since we clearly do not want their services. Yay. Message has finally sunk in...

A few minutes ago the telephone rang, and sure enough, it's Bob again. There is obviously some sort of communications breakdown somewhere along the line because I don't seem to be able to make myself understood at all.

Perhaps he can't understand my accent? I speak with a hint of Geordie, a soft lilt compared to some others but it's there all the same. Maybe that's it? Next time Bob rings I'll answer him in a Brummie, or Irish, or Scots accent; maybe all three. I'm getting desperate so I'll try anything to try and make him understand that bankruptcy and IVAs are not, and never will be, part of my grand scheme in life.

Or perhaps I should simply tell him to fuck off?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:40, 13 replies)

He probably fancies you
invite him for a meal, it could be the start of something beautiful
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:53, closed)

Nah, I'm already married innit?
He possibly just gets off on the Geordie accent. Probably imagining that I'm Jimmy Nail and the missus is Cheryl Cole.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:54, closed)

What's married got to do with it?
These are the 10's, no one is monogamous anymore
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:59, closed)

I like monogamy
best of all the furniture-making wood.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:03, closed)

do fake orgasmic moaning at him
he'll either hang up or ruin his kecks
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:47, closed)

It might be QOTW's influence
but I get a lot of these at work and lately I've been telling them how bad things are these days due to the moisture farm not bringing in as much as it used to, and having to take out a bank loan to buy new droids (one of which speaks Bocce) means that my uncle Owen and aunt Beru are really struggling to make ends meet...it really winds the cunts up when they finally twig that I've been wasting their time for the past 20 minutes
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:09, closed)

I actually managed to stop a cold caller dead in his tracks the other day...
After he'd explained that he wasn't selling me anything but was in fact trying to save me money on my life insurance due to a new scheme and did I currently have any life insurance, I told him that no I didn't as I was waiting for a settlement due to my girlfriend having been killed earlier that month.

"Oh I'm sorry... oh boy" he exclaimed, before hanging up.

Nothing could have made me smile at that point, but I did feel sorry for him, he sounded genuinely shocked. And the fact he said "Oh boy" is quite endearing, for some reason...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:17, closed)

Bless.
Hope the days are getting easier, Prof.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:27, closed)

A tiny bit, thanks
I still can't really believe it's happened, and some days are very bleak indeed, but on the whole even when I feel like shit* I can at least give the illusion of being ok...


*I can't say I'm "happy" now, coz I'm not, I'm fucking gutted. I do have better days though, where rather than being a mess I can at least be quietly calmly sad... if you see what I mean?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 16:49, closed)

Not gonna say I wholly understand
As I've only ever lost family members and not a partner, but yeah, I can see where you're coming from.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:01, closed)

Good, coz I've really not explained it very well there...
O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 19:02, closed)

I meant from a personal perspective.
It winds me up when someone has something awful happen and somebody else says, "yeah, I know how you feel". They bloody don't.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Jul 2010, 19:51, closed)

I finally killed the freedom from debt/we can save you money/is the manager in cold calls at work by saving this as an mp3 on my phone and playing it back till the end at appropriate unsoliciteds (the calls never lasted that long) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=45fOEXRC-Y4 the only other possibility was a prank call to a Glasgow fast food joint I heard once but never managed to track down again, it sounded like a VERY fully flavoured rant in Hindi that would turn your hair green if you could make it out properly.
(Benzyl, Sun 18 Jul 2010, 3:50, closed)