so these two guys are at the zoo.
complete the joke.
seriously, i need stuff for my stand up routine, i've only got three minutes and two of them are bowie jokes.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:53, archived)

one says "haha, look over there, that elephant's wearing makeup"
then Hitler fucks him with a rake
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:55, archived)

i know a joke that has the punchline that they were in the zoo.
now you know that, the joke is even more rubbish than it was originally.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:56, archived)

I know a joke about a farmer if that's any help?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:01, archived)

What do you call a farmer that's also a chameleon?
Farmer Chameleon
(__, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:02, archived)

What business to gay farmer's dabble in?
Fagriculture.
And what's their favourite typof of soil?
Sod-omy
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:03, archived)

These are the only 2 jokes I have ever made up myself.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:10, archived)

i heard a wonderful joke tonight with the punchline, 'mick, mack, paddy, jack leave the wog alone

( mongychops, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:03, archived)

lime green hairy lip squid
no one sees that coming
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:05, archived)

That's the one about the building site, isn't it?
And the talking octopus plasterer.
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:25, archived)

ALASKA

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:56, archived)

I asked the doctor if he could give me anything for wind.
He gave me a kite.
( Mu Dinofiddler, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:57, archived)

I asked my doctor if he could give me anything for diarrhoea
he gave an A5 narrow ruled journal and I explosively shitted on his plastic chair while wearing a backless gown and it sprayed everywhere like when you turn a tap on a spoon too fast but with brown stinking napalm coming out of the tap instead of water. and the spoon in this is the chair. and the doctors office all your pots and pans.
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:22, archived)

If we milked Gluey, and fed his juice to everyone who came in here
we'd have a lot less rubbish noobs, and a lot more fun, I reckon.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:25, archived)

my teats are very leathery and require great force.

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:28, archived)

One says "let's go see the monkey tank".
The other says "monkeys have cages, not tanks".
The first says "thank fuck, monkeys with tanks? They'd be bad enough with armoured humm-vees!"
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:57, archived)

so these two guys are at the zoo
when they get to the monkey enclosure one says: 'I wonder if that thing about enough monkey's on typewriters and they could write shakespheare is true.'
The other replies: 'You've obviously never been on the internet.'
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:57, archived)

and one of them drops his trousers and shoots his muck all over the penguin
because he has been raised as a catholic and has a resentment about nuns
( mongychops, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:57, archived)

The first bloke says, 'I've only come to see the monkeys in their cages.'
Turns out he was a horrible racist.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:58, archived)

And they ask a vendor for two cans,
and he gets out two cokes. But they say no they want two cans. so he points the way to the aviary. But the say no again and they want two cans. Then they find a helpful passer by who speaks french and it turns out the want to go to cannes for the film festival and they are directors but the got a bit lost near heathrow and they're really late
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 0:58, archived)

two guys are at the zoo
one of them looks through the glass on a cage, and sees a large ape-man with a camera taking photos of him. he turns around to see his friend riding on a tire swing. confused, he explores, only to find himself trapped, caged in a room with various trees and toys. he starts screaming, yelling at someone, anyone, to let him out. behind him he hears a steady "tap tap tap". there is a fat ape-boy behind the glass and he is pointing and laughing at him. they are all pointing and laughing at him.
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:01, archived)

One says "let's swim with the polar bears"

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:01, archived)

Something about a bipolar bear.
Maybe one who liked to fuck male and female bears too. A bi-bipolar bear.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:03, archived)

that'll cause, wait for it, PANDAmonium

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:04, archived)

Or someone wishing him farewell or something.
Bye Bye, bi-bipolar bear.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:06, archived)

Or if it was an actual polar bear it'd be Bye Bye, bi-polar polar bear.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:07, archived)

And if it had no fur or something.
It'd be Bye bye, bare bi-polar polar bear
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:07, archived)

you can stop now, he's got at least an hour's worth of material from this thread

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:09, archived)

..one turns to the other and says "so this is what /talk looks like!".

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:07, archived)

Everyone'd skip past the piston_broke complex and the MasterOfTurnips cage and go straight to the Bou enclosure.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:11, archived)

you'd go and watch Syncubus sat up a tree wanking and throwing his faeces at people

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:13, archived)

'why have they got Alison Moyet & Vince Clark in a cage?'
'it's a Ya zoo'
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:09, archived)

keep saying "I'm covered in BEES" and talk about jam
wear a dress for added rofl
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:10, archived)

I'm quite concerned about the recent decline in Beas

( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:15, archived)

i hope you do comedy at the george, i'll pop along

( mongychops, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:13, archived)

I'm starting to think that zoos may be inherently unfunny places

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:15, archived)

Not true, many animal penis's are to be seen.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:18, archived)

and they meet David Bowie
they say "Hi David", and he say's "Hi", signs an autograph and chats for a moment. Then they wander off and enjoy the rest of their day.
( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:18, archived)

one guy says "how do you get two whales in a mini?"
then Hitler fucks him with a rake
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:26, archived)

One collapses, having a stroke
and the other fails to recognise the symptoms, so his friend is not hospitalised quickly enough, leading to his eventual death, and an overwhelming feeling of guilt for the survivor.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:30, archived)

then Hitler fucks him with a rake

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:33, archived)

holy shit
look at this hot shit pimpin' rake
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:35, archived)

i like the little fish tank

( mongychops, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:36, archived)

That may be the most awesome rake I've ever seen.
Not that it's exactly facing stiff competition, but, you know.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:36, archived)

that sho is one dope-ass piece of rake right there

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 1:38, archived)