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# Is he masturbating in a darkened cinema?
(Kitty Fantastico "Dwarf, Anorexic and In a Fight ", Sat 20 Aug 2011, 18:14, archived)
# He can't
He has no arms, or swimsuit area, or upper body strength, or upper body, or lower body, or body.

Edit: between Peewee, and "She-Bop" by Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna's stage show, the 80s were a good time for masturbation.
(MrCanoehead Marzipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 18:28, archived)
# And the Divinyls proudkly carried that into the 90s with "I touch myself"
(Kitty Fantastico "Dwarf, Anorexic and In a Fight ", Sat 20 Aug 2011, 18:55, archived)
# especially after rocking the fuck out of the 80's!
Top Band!
(I helped save b3ta! Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 23:10, archived)