A couple of shit ones...Did six months selling Kirby fucking cleaners. At one demonstration this hairy reprobate from shildon asked if you could use it to relieve yourself sexually. I appreciate that this one sounds like Snopes material, but it's true. I was there and I was scared.
I spent some time making Doner, the 'Elephants Legs' you see in kebabberies. Doner are made from lamb laps (about 30%), Mutton (about 30%), Sheep fat (about 20% - great waxy chunks of clotted lard, that smelt revolting) and the remainder consisted of something called Mechanically Recovered Chicken. This came in huge 20lb slabs resembling strawberry ice-cream. It starts off frozen (and you bung it through a mincer to allow it to mix with the lamb/mutton/fat mixture) but quickly turns into a pinkish gurp of pure disgust. It probably has a high chance of being infected by salmonella. But the worst was the wasps.
We did this over a summer - the guy I worked for was just starting the doner manufacture in addition to the pizza shop he ran (where I worked evenings). Since it was summer you needed to have a bit of air circulating (to rid yourself of the cloying smell of decaying meat, which you could smell on yourself for days afterwards). Hence the door was open.
There was one of those ribbon-curtain things outside the door, and to give them their due, they are pretty good at keeping flies out. Flies can go like buggery when the mood takes them, but when they see an obstacle they shit themselves and fly off at an angle. Wasps have more self-control. Let it be said. Kebab usually contains insect protein as a direct consequence.
Then did some temping at a Kitchen Factory up north while a strike was on. For a low, shite wage. The temping agency were told to stuff it pretty rapidly. I had my dole investigated for that one.
Worked with some feelthy steenking gyppoes for a weekend (I was on the dole, and offered some side-cash). I spent an afternoon busting a gut hauling tarmac in wheelbarrows and was given three quid at the end of it. I took the remainder of my wages in 4x4-tyre rubber.
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Mon 10 Nov 2003, 22:36,
archived)
I spent some time making Doner, the 'Elephants Legs' you see in kebabberies. Doner are made from lamb laps (about 30%), Mutton (about 30%), Sheep fat (about 20% - great waxy chunks of clotted lard, that smelt revolting) and the remainder consisted of something called Mechanically Recovered Chicken. This came in huge 20lb slabs resembling strawberry ice-cream. It starts off frozen (and you bung it through a mincer to allow it to mix with the lamb/mutton/fat mixture) but quickly turns into a pinkish gurp of pure disgust. It probably has a high chance of being infected by salmonella. But the worst was the wasps.
We did this over a summer - the guy I worked for was just starting the doner manufacture in addition to the pizza shop he ran (where I worked evenings). Since it was summer you needed to have a bit of air circulating (to rid yourself of the cloying smell of decaying meat, which you could smell on yourself for days afterwards). Hence the door was open.
There was one of those ribbon-curtain things outside the door, and to give them their due, they are pretty good at keeping flies out. Flies can go like buggery when the mood takes them, but when they see an obstacle they shit themselves and fly off at an angle. Wasps have more self-control. Let it be said. Kebab usually contains insect protein as a direct consequence.
Then did some temping at a Kitchen Factory up north while a strike was on. For a low, shite wage. The temping agency were told to stuff it pretty rapidly. I had my dole investigated for that one.
Worked with some feelthy steenking gyppoes for a weekend (I was on the dole, and offered some side-cash). I spent an afternoon busting a gut hauling tarmac in wheelbarrows and was given three quid at the end of it. I took the remainder of my wages in 4x4-tyre rubber.
Yup I must join youon the Kirby cleaners! what a fuckin shite job i'm amazed you lasted 6mths, I think I lasted about 3 weeks if I remember correctly. were you skint at the end of it after spending nearly double what you earned on friggin petrol getting you around to all the gullible bastards houses!
£1500 for a fucking Hoover? I think I'll pass thanks!
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Tue 11 Nov 2003, 8:45,
archived)
£1500 for a fucking Hoover? I think I'll pass thanks!
Kirby Cleaners? Pah!You want to try working for the opposition- Filter Queen! Pretty much the same thing I'd wager, only a bit shitter due to the name making you sound like a travelling blow job merchant.
The only pay I received was from taking the shitty thing home and cleaning the house for my mum!
...Although I did garner a fun party trick from their demonstartion spiel- get a mate in a bin bag (head OUTside the bag!) then suck all the air out with the hoover- while the power is on it's impossible to move, and you can now adminster as many blowbacks/ tequila shots as you see fit...
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Tue 11 Nov 2003, 15:04,
archived)
The only pay I received was from taking the shitty thing home and cleaning the house for my mum!
...Although I did garner a fun party trick from their demonstartion spiel- get a mate in a bin bag (head OUTside the bag!) then suck all the air out with the hoover- while the power is on it's impossible to move, and you can now adminster as many blowbacks/ tequila shots as you see fit...
One of the reasons I stayed six monthswas that having a bit of electronics experience I got a room where I serviced and repaired the Kirbys.
Imagine the joy of cleaning clotted beer-puke from the fan housing of a pub kirby at 9am on a monday morning.
Still, made a few quid out of it so it was a touch better than just being stuck in sales all the bloody time.
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Tue 11 Nov 2003, 23:10,
archived)
Imagine the joy of cleaning clotted beer-puke from the fan housing of a pub kirby at 9am on a monday morning.
Still, made a few quid out of it so it was a touch better than just being stuck in sales all the bloody time.