Just a little something from my webisteI hope you guys don't mind big posts, just thought you guys might appreciate some stuff from mah webby (www.squirrelspit.com)
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In a vain attempt to escape my humdrum existence, give me something to write about and to give me pleasing waves of nostalgia glowyness I purchased a bag of green plastic soldiers.
[continued]
I ripped open to bag and emptied the contents onto the table. There was a small army of poorly moulded machine gunners and two with flamethrowers; there was even a paper flag on a stand. I was impressed. I stood them all up around the cheap American flag with a grin and then realised something. What do you do with them after that? What is their purpose? They don’t have moving parts or batteries! I grabbed my empty glass of absinthe and hurled it through the pristine rows of plastic men. Knocking a couple onto the ground. I sat considering what to do next, when my brand new puppy Gringer (Yes it’s the same as He-Mans pet cat) came through the door and ate the soldiers like intestine flavour doggy treats. Much to my amusement the flame-thrower guy didn’t go down so easily and stuck in the pooch’s throat. I slurred at it “ Spit it out you stupid dog, you’ll choke ….dumb little fucker”.
I proceeded to watch the dog writhe in agony for the next 10 minutes periodically throwing up bloody vomit all over my kitchen lino. When it had stopped twitching I realised I had found a use for these useless toys of yesteryear. Animal deterrent.
I filled my hipflask with vodka and stuffed a handful of soldiers into my pocket. Half an hour later I was in the park at the duck pond. I cackled loudly as I hurled the soldiers into a cluster of ducks. They proceeded to fight over who got to die first.
Unfortunately the park keeper was watching my devious activities from behind a bin and wrestled me to the ground and beat me to death with his plastic nightstick before I could watch the results of the experiment. I couldn’t hear my own screams over the squawking and spluttering of the ducks so I count it as a success.
At a slightly over priced £2.99, I give plastic green soldiers 3 soggy prosthetic testicles out of 5 for their usefulness in pest control (this covers cats dogs llamas toddlers and other pesky animals of similar size).
Transcribed by trained snails onto a flagstone for Matthew Armitáge
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In a vain attempt to escape my humdrum existence, give me something to write about and to give me pleasing waves of nostalgia glowyness I purchased a bag of green plastic soldiers.
[continued]
I ripped open to bag and emptied the contents onto the table. There was a small army of poorly moulded machine gunners and two with flamethrowers; there was even a paper flag on a stand. I was impressed. I stood them all up around the cheap American flag with a grin and then realised something. What do you do with them after that? What is their purpose? They don’t have moving parts or batteries! I grabbed my empty glass of absinthe and hurled it through the pristine rows of plastic men. Knocking a couple onto the ground. I sat considering what to do next, when my brand new puppy Gringer (Yes it’s the same as He-Mans pet cat) came through the door and ate the soldiers like intestine flavour doggy treats. Much to my amusement the flame-thrower guy didn’t go down so easily and stuck in the pooch’s throat. I slurred at it “ Spit it out you stupid dog, you’ll choke ….dumb little fucker”.
I proceeded to watch the dog writhe in agony for the next 10 minutes periodically throwing up bloody vomit all over my kitchen lino. When it had stopped twitching I realised I had found a use for these useless toys of yesteryear. Animal deterrent.
I filled my hipflask with vodka and stuffed a handful of soldiers into my pocket. Half an hour later I was in the park at the duck pond. I cackled loudly as I hurled the soldiers into a cluster of ducks. They proceeded to fight over who got to die first.
Unfortunately the park keeper was watching my devious activities from behind a bin and wrestled me to the ground and beat me to death with his plastic nightstick before I could watch the results of the experiment. I couldn’t hear my own screams over the squawking and spluttering of the ducks so I count it as a success.
At a slightly over priced £2.99, I give plastic green soldiers 3 soggy prosthetic testicles out of 5 for their usefulness in pest control (this covers cats dogs llamas toddlers and other pesky animals of similar size).
Transcribed by trained snails onto a flagstone for Matthew Armitáge
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Snorty McBumhole YouTube.com/MinistryOfGeeks,
Mon 17 Feb 2003, 23:58,
archived)
Hmprose..
I like this...
www.mataglap.com/gallery.html
(I like this...
www.mataglap.com/gallery.html
mnb098mnb used to be here,
Mon 17 Feb 2003, 23:59,
archived)
Do you ever feel likethe whole world is talking behind your back?
In other words - nice.
(In other words - nice.
Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology,
Tue 18 Feb 2003, 0:00,
archived)
Erm...Wasn't He-Man's cat "Cringer"?
Nice story though, and the fact you died before the end adds a supernatural twist.
Now 'shop the flagstone. ;-)
(Nice story though, and the fact you died before the end adds a supernatural twist.
Now 'shop the flagstone. ;-)
JustHere4Coffee remembers when all o' this were car parks,
Tue 18 Feb 2003, 0:02,
archived)
i dunno if it is a typo or not...but He-Man's cat name is Cringer, not Gringer. remember, if you misname an animal, the animal must be euthanised, you cannot simply re-name it.
(,
Tue 18 Feb 2003, 0:03,
archived)
:)if you like these i'll post some more later :D
( Snorty McBumhole YouTube.com/MinistryOfGeeks,
Tue 18 Feb 2003, 0:11,
archived)