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There's no way you're going to beat this:

(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:51, archived)

now that's a shitty situation

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discomeats This canoe, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:53, archived)

Does she have two now then?

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Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:54, archived)

What about:

"Woman goes for knee operation, becomes Former Government of Yugoslavia instead. Killing spree to follow"

(Jeru War and Piss, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 12:01, archived)

Heather?

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barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 12:10, archived)