how would you have phrased it then?
Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:01,
archived)
I would have said she was 'top dollar ankle'.But obviously if you want to precisely go for a genital whiff reference then I imagine you would have to alter the rest of your noir patter around it, as classic noir wouldn't really use base terms abruptly like that. Especially as the majority of it was euphemistic slang even when they were being crude.
(,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:05,
archived)
thats rather good advice actually.is 'ankle' really suggestive enough though?
( Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:09,
archived)
It just means an attractive woman, rather than implicitily meaning a prostitute.But I just felt it fitted together quite well, ankle seems to have a much nicer quality than dame or doll.
Try this, there aren't that many words but it was the only real reference I could find: www.miskatonic.org/slang.html
Pointless information, I searched for it hoping to try to use it to learn about slang and hopefully to slip a decent amount into my book, but I was quite concerned with not being able to do it well like A Clockwork Orange and just sounding terrible and contrived like Star Trek or every other Sci-Fi. I also had to look up oil rigging slang for another part.
(,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:15,
archived)
Try this, there aren't that many words but it was the only real reference I could find: www.miskatonic.org/slang.html
Pointless information, I searched for it hoping to try to use it to learn about slang and hopefully to slip a decent amount into my book, but I was quite concerned with not being able to do it well like A Clockwork Orange and just sounding terrible and contrived like Star Trek or every other Sci-Fi. I also had to look up oil rigging slang for another part.
thats part of the thing i'm looking to avoid with this story. i hate people telling stories with too much contrived jargon in.how does "I could smell danger and expensive perfume on this top dollar twist" sound?
( Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:20,
archived)
Terrible.Kitten is too frail and endearing a term. Women mean trouble and so on to these men.
*notices you changed word literally as I hit the reply button*
Twist is better. To be honest the synatx and speaking style doesn't sound typically noir, they were more like an odd extended monologue of thoughts and so on than an actual narration. So it would be more:
"She was high class ankle. The smell of trouble was all over her as thick as the/her cheap perfume." - those kind of characters always say cheap perfume, anything else just sounds weird regardless of whether it's supposed to be a high class hooker or not.
(,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:26,
archived)
*notices you changed word literally as I hit the reply button*
Twist is better. To be honest the synatx and speaking style doesn't sound typically noir, they were more like an odd extended monologue of thoughts and so on than an actual narration. So it would be more:
"She was high class ankle. The smell of trouble was all over her as thick as the/her cheap perfume." - those kind of characters always say cheap perfume, anything else just sounds weird regardless of whether it's supposed to be a high class hooker or not.
i'm not really aiming for perfect pastiche of noir reallywe'll see what happens as the story progresses, i don't want to do out and out piss take or a proper noir story, we'll see.
thanks for that glossary, it'll be handy.
(thanks for that glossary, it'll be handy.
Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:36,
archived)
I was actually going to do either a parody noir story, or a sort of typically dark and emotionally crippled one but with a woman at one point.Then I realised I can't even finish the one book I've started so abandoned that idea fairly swiftly before I even bothered researching it.
I do do a passable imitation at times though, the weird Blue Jame esque monologue, which I had to do in third person due to the restraints of the story, for the b3ta bunk3r writing thing was at least fairly authentic.
(,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:39,
archived)
I do do a passable imitation at times though, the weird Blue Jame esque monologue, which I had to do in third person due to the restraints of the story, for the b3ta bunk3r writing thing was at least fairly authentic.
whats this b3ta bunk3r writing thing? Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:44,
archived)
Sort of writing add a chapter project they decided to do.b3tabunker.ning.com/forum/topic/show?id=2251263%3ATopic%3A1471
To be honest it's decidedly less b3talically bizarre than I expected, and more seriously trying to attempt plot and intruige (though in my opinion there's nothing worse than trying to write a serious story, there's more subtle methods, reason and motivation than I could even go into - hence why haven't tried ever since the first draft of my book *shudder*).
My post is on the second page, and to be honest I don't think the preceding chapter even establishes it or makes it make any more sense, other than perhaps the last two lines.
(,
Wed 3 Sep 2008, 1:52,
archived)
To be honest it's decidedly less b3talically bizarre than I expected, and more seriously trying to attempt plot and intruige (though in my opinion there's nothing worse than trying to write a serious story, there's more subtle methods, reason and motivation than I could even go into - hence why haven't tried ever since the first draft of my book *shudder*).
My post is on the second page, and to be honest I don't think the preceding chapter even establishes it or makes it make any more sense, other than perhaps the last two lines.