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# i haven't even got a camera on my phone! :)
it's a tacky old piece of shit that my 62-year-old dad didn't want anymore. hell, as long as i can phone people with it, i don't care!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:23, archived)
# I wonder if you can claim on your house insurance?
"hello house insurance people, i seem to have lost my internet, can you send me a new one?"
(I helped save b3ta! SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:24, archived)
# pfff
if only! my insurance is great, it's really cheap because i'm a council tenant(pauper), only £1.79 a week. i'm insured for £9k, which is a lot more than all my shit is worth!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:29, archived)
# Don't you have any good friends who will break into your house as a favour?
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:30, archived)
# no
i had a broken kitchen window for 6 years. it was double-glazed and some little shit had thrown a stone at it and smashed the outer pane. the police wouldn't give me a crime number* to get it fixed free and i couldn't afford to pay for it. i asked my mate to shoot it out with his air rifle, but he refused.
we're not friends any more.

*his mum said he was watching emmerdale with her at the time, lying bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:33, archived)
# :(
Everyone needs friends who are there for you in times of insurance fraud plans.
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:35, archived)
# too true
my mate crashed his car recently, he told me to say i was in the car with him, so i could claim for whiplash. i couldn't do it because
a) there's no way i could bring myself to lie in court
b) i was in bingo with about a thousand witnesses.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:38, archived)
# ahhh lying in court is another matter
I'm a good boy, I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:41, archived)
# indeed it is
i've had a few friends ask me to lie in court. my ex asked when he was trying to claim for injuries, despite the fact that medical evidence showed quite clearly that he was lying. my mate asked me to lie when she attacked her fella, despite the fact that, once again, medical evidence proved she was lying.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:45, archived)
# yeah, you can only get away with perjury if you are an mp
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:00, archived)
# pfff
i just couldn't do it. it's not that i'm incapable of lying, it's just that i refuse to break my word. if i swear an oath to tell the truth, i'll tell the truth no matter what.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:04, archived)