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# I FUCKING WILL FUCKING MAKE A FUCKING FORTUNE.
Just relabel a case of baseball bats and print up instructions.

Follow these easy steps to becoming a vampire
1. Hit self with bat.
2. repeat, rinse, and apply bat until dead dead dead.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:10, archived)
# no, I meant for actual vampires
it must be quite difficult to hammer a stake into your own heart, let alone cut your head off afterwards.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:26, archived)