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# we can still play badminton after the inevitable zombie apocalypse
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:23, archived)
# They always crawl back for another go.
Once they've regenerated and had a nice cuppa.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:32, archived)
# I started writing a story about a post-zombie world where they used the zombies in factories and fed them pigs brains.
It got derailed when a friend pointed out that a zombie's prime objective is to infect other people and eating brains is only a secondary goal.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:42, archived)
# no its not
a zombies prime objective is to feed and to feed at all costs....infect people ffs...thats a side effect not their objective.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:44, archived)
# depending on your continuity
virus-driven zombies have a primary objective of infection because the corpse is not actually the organism with said objective. The virus/parasite is the evolutionary unit there.

All other zombies are just hungry, yes.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:46, archived)
# Fuck that virus shit
If I'm writing a zombie story it's going to be CANON.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:48, archived)
# not rage virus zombies
I'm thinking Max Brooks shit, you know. Lurch and all.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:51, archived)
# I would have to agree with this assessment.
Eating does seem to be the primary goal with most
zombies that have been created so far.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:46, archived)
# If that's the case, then why don't they just eat everyone?
Why would a zombie let someone go if they were only interested in eating brains?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:47, archived)
# Being from below the equator you might not know of Bill O'Reilly.
Not even a zombie would touch that arse badger.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:50, archived)
# Are you kidding? If it was a movie there'd be a Bill O'Rielly zombie disprespecting everyone's brains about 10 minutes after the initial outbreak.
THIS SUPPORTS THE CONCEPT THAT ZOMBIES WANT TO REPRODUCE MORE THAN FEED.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:52, archived)
# if zombies REALLY wanted to feed more than reproduce
they would eat each other.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:56, archived)
# Won't reproduce with Bill about.
He can't tell the difference between a sponge and a sandwich.
However, his desire seems unaffected by his lack of breeding skills.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:57, archived)
# If that were true then there wouldn't be zombie outbreaks.
There'd just be one or maybe two if someone really tough escaped from them with only a bite or a scratch.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:49, archived)
# Vector could be airborne.
The damage they do may be just an after effect.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:52, archived)
# Here's my big issue: Any zombie film/story that tries to explain zombies using science is completely missing the point.
Zombies are at their scariest when you can't understand them. Zombie study is a big part of my story, but more about severing limbs and fucking with the tendons to make machines rather than trying to understand why they became zombies.

(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:55, archived)
# this is true
ever read Death and Suffrage by Dale Bailey? Best zombie story i ever read and nobody ever explained that shit.

(also they didn't bite people, everyone who died of anything just turned into a zombie for unknown reasons - so see, you CAN mess with the canon. whatever the canon actually is, if you wanna get right down to it the canon OUGHT to be voodoo zombies which is completely different)
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:58, archived)
# I know what you're saying about the voodoo zombies but that was research to validate the stories rather than the other way around.
Papa Gede doesn't have much influence outside of haiti.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:14, archived)
# still
what would you consider definitive zombie canon?

Just romero? Cos like I said, he left enough gaps that you've got plenty of wiggle room.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:24, archived)
# Zombie canon is what zombie afficionados consider to be canon when it all boils down to it
I want people to truly recognise my dudes as zombies.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:45, archived)
# in that case
just don't make them run and you should be fine :P
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:46, archived)
# that would be no fun though
whole planet would be zombified in no time flat, and you couldn't have any close escapes from being eaten because just breathing the same air would kill you anyway.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:55, archived)
# all the zombie flicks I have seen , the one impulse shared by the zombies is to feed
stagger about a bit and then be shot.

not once have I seen one think about wanting to infect people...well there was that smart one from day of the dead but that was more revenge.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:56, archived)
# I'm a fan of the World War Z universe
in which they do exactly that, and it's the ineffective feeding instinct that spreads zombieness, so it's an adaptive trait for the actual virus rather than the individual zombie.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:02, archived)
# As mentioned above - why don't they eat each other's brains?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:04, archived)
# because they like their food fresh
not dead.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:20, archived)
# lemme tell you when a zombie goes for your throat
you don't spend very long being not dead
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:24, archived)
# That would still be an exponential increase, though.
I like the idea that they eat each other, too. That would mean the oldest surviving zombies are the most aggressive, and older populations are more problematic.
...they must be able to identify and prefer fresh humans, though, or you wouldn't get the scenes with a horde of zombies all homing in on the one non-zombie.
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:24, archived)
# That scene won't happen.
The panic (and moral dilemma) comes from humans relying on them for free work and the zombies eventually decaying.

Also - PLAGIARISTS: I've just started writing again and this conversation has date and time stamps all over it.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:42, archived)
# whilst this in no way detracts from your idea
I have read several short stories which involved elements of this plot, including the make-zombies-work-for-us thing.

Hopefully yours will elevate itself not through innovation, but through aceness.
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:52, archived)
# It's ok, I've been directed to short stories before
I've had my idea independently and don't want it to get sullied by other stories so I'm going to plough on.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 9:12, archived)
# also
the whole point of zombies is the numbers. They represent inevitable mortality, and they create terror through sheer force of FUCK THEY'RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE.

The oldest/most aggressive thing is pretty much straight from the vampire section, where cunning and stuff come into play.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:49, archived)
# The idea of the story is to help people empathise with the zombies.
2 chapters were planned that were soley from the zombie protagonist. Yes, entire paragraphs were filled with "hurrrrrrrrrrrrr". It adds to the effect.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:46, archived)
# As mentioned above, I don't want to change what a zombie is to suit my story, I want it to be recognised as a definitive zombie story.
THIS IS MY MAJOR SETBACK.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:50, archived)
# what a zombie is was never that well defined though
there is wiggle room. I agree that if it runs fast it's not a fucking zombie, but like.

There is nothing to stop you from going "the person the zombie used to be is still in there, only whenever he tries to say please pass the sugar it comes out hurrrrr" for instance.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:54, archived)
# zombies are just chav vampires
they are bitten and as they cannot speak correctly anyway, just go hrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:57, archived)
# HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*chalks up a point*
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 7:58, archived)
# If I went vampire I'd just be cashing in on a shitty subculture that I don't want to encourage.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:00, archived)
# Also: society wouldn't accept a bunch of factory slaves with porphyria.
If they're mindless it's not so much of an issue.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:02, archived)
# true, the only good vampire stories these days
are friggin metaphorical up to here.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:03, archived)
# Awww, why ever not?
They're so cute with that "I want to die and live forever".
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:04, archived)
# I wanna read a story
about vampire suicide clubs
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:06, archived)
# you know
like those bunnies
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:07, archived)
# I FUCKING WILL FUCKING MAKE A FUCKING FORTUNE.
Just relabel a case of baseball bats and print up instructions.

Follow these easy steps to becoming a vampire
1. Hit self with bat.
2. repeat, rinse, and apply bat until dead dead dead.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:10, archived)
# no, I meant for actual vampires
it must be quite difficult to hammer a stake into your own heart, let alone cut your head off afterwards.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:26, archived)
# THANKYOU EVERYONE
This conversation has helped me sort a few things out despite my disagreeances.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 8:43, archived)