well put.
I mean, yes, it's possible to be depressed and yet remain aware that people *do* care about you and *will* be upset and have their lives disrupted if you off yourself.
But then, if you're aware of that, you're aware that these people around you who care about you *also* get upset and have their lives disrupted on a regular basis when you're having a panic attack, or you're waking up screaming from a night terror, or you're sobbing your heart out till 2am when you both need to be up at 6am, or when you miss work and social events because you simply can't bring yourself to put on the shiny public face and go out there and be the person you're expected to be.
Depression-logic then steps in and convinces you that you are a burden; a toxic person making everyone else's life nearly as unbearable as your own. You start to think that the acute distress caused to those around you by your one-off death will actually be quite minor compared to the cumulative distress they'd experience over another 40 years of day-to-day life with you and your illness. You believe, sincerely, that it's not just your own suffering you are ending.
When you're not depressed, it's easy to see that it really doesn't work like that. But as someone's already said further down the page, that's unlocking a box with the key you will find inside it.
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Batsgirl, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 8:47,
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