NEWSLETTER: "PETER GABRIEL NAMES AGONY UNCLE SERVICE PG TIPS"
This Week:
* QUIZ - Play Your Postcards RIGHT
* BOT - How long until Chernobyl is livable?
* CHALLENGE - Animals in movies
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're eating our earwax,
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | it's surprisingly okish
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 718 - 07 Jun 2019
Read this whilst farting the hits of Duran Duran:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue718
-------------------------------------------------
Pain au chocolat is acceptable as breakfast
because it's French. Imagine if it was British.
"What did you have for breakfast? Chocolate
bread? What are you, a child?"
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister hand signals
>> Play your postcards right <<
Monkeon writes, "An unlaunched game I made for
UsVsTh3m a few years back, which I thought I'd
fish out of the bin." Ah glad you did Monkeon,
this is a fine bit of interactive
entertainment.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/playyourpostcardsright/
>> Can You Recognise the Facial Features of These Celebrity Chefs? <<
Bill G Christmas writes, "I've not posted on
here in an age but this thing I made while
looking at face detection APIs seems
appropriate."
https://www.isthisjamieoliversnose.com/
>> Tory Leadership Racer <<
Andrew-T writes, "The Tory leadership race is
both boring and terrifying so I thought I'd
turn it into a Snes-style kart-racing game that
is hopefully neither."
https://github.andrewt.net/tory-leadership-racer/
-------------------------------------------------
Fuck it - let's do new names for Chuka's party
The Glib Dems
Middlemen
The alt-shite
Neu Labour
Centrist Duds
Chuka Can'ts
HDMI Splitters
People's Front of Judea
Remainers who love to Leave
The who now?
-------------------------------------------------
Amazon doing smart plugs for £10. We
simultaneously think this is cool but can't think
of a single way this would improve our lives.
Home automation was always some sci-fi dream but
now it's here we're just a bit "but it's
pointless". Use promo code SMARTPLUG at checkout,
or don't. Who cares? (To be fair, might be quite
useful if you struggle with mobility)
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B01NAXS2...
-------------------------------------------------
"People who measure in feet and inches are twats"
says man who eats 30cm pizza whilst watching his
101.6cm TV, wearing his 81.28cm jeans.
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Feed this content into your open maw
* CHERNOBYL BOT - world has gone mad for the
Hangover 3 sequel Chernobyl, but the thing
we're really enjoying is this real-time bot
that shows how long it'll take before the
abandoned town is safe again. Well done
humanity, making our world uninhabitable for
humans one square inch at a time.
https://twitter.com/chernobylstatus/status/1134444...
* NEAT ENCODING METHOD - A novel way of sending
encoded messages. We can't think of anything
that we could be bothered doing a 15x15 puzzle
for, so that's presumably a secure way of
sending your banking details to someone.
https://pycto.io/decrypt/
* WORZEL GUMMIDGE PAEDOPHILE SONG - we hope the
BBC Worzel Gummidge reboot includes "never talk
to a stranger" - possibly the creepiest thing
ever made in the name of protecting kids. "No
matter what is said you could just end up dead"
is the greatest lyric in the history of pop,
and so gleefully delivered: Worzel wants these
kids dead. All of them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* ETCH-A-SKETCH CAMERA - a fun Raspberry Pi
project. Hopefully to be followed by a *picks
random 80s Toy and electronic gadget* Teddy
Ruxpin Alexa.
https://www.donttakepictures.com/dtp-blog/2019/5/2...
* PHOTOGRAPHER REUNITES PEOPLE HE FIRST SPOTTED
ON THE STREETS 40 YEARS AGO - Chris Porsz took
photos of people in his hometown of
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire in the late 1970s
and 80s. Decades later he set out to find them.
http://flashbak.com/photographer-reunites-people-h...
* TALK TO TRANSFORMER - AI thing which
autocompletes based on a chunk of text. You
have to play around with it a bit, but when it
works the results are rofl etc.
https://talktotransformer.com/
-------------------------------------------------
Hollywood porn films we've just made up:
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Breast
Das Booty
American History XXX
Casawanker
The Great Dicktator
Bravehardon
Dr Strangelover
Paths Of Gloryholes
Sex Toy Story 3
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Behind
Good Will Cunting
Reservoir Snogs
Sorry.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Food Weapons
Here's the best images from last week:
* SHAKEN NOT STIRRED - monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/board/11286795
* I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR - HappyToast.
http://b3ta.com/board/11286839
* HE'LL TEAR YOUR ROULE APART - (Captain Howdy)
http://b3ta.com/board/11286978
And here's them all:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/foodweapons/popular/
>> This week: Animal Movie Posters <<
Replace actors with animals in movie posters to
give us some wonderful movie/animal puns. The
Codfather, Fight Cub, Apocalypse Cow. It's a
classic b3ta animals in movie posters
challenge.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalmovieposters
-------------------------------------------------
Bands could play their own names on a keyboard:
ABBA
ABC
AC/DC
(There's probably more but we got bored looking)
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Dubious but free ideas for you dear reader
* VIZ CARTOON - called Piers' Organ, where it's
like The Numskulls but it's lots of dicks
living instead Piers' dick and they control
what he does. "Oh god, someone is getting
attention on the internet, how can I insert
myself in the middle of it and make it about
ME."
* COVER VERSIONS - Sledgehammer covered by
Sister Sledge and MC Hammer please.
* 1980s HOME AUTOMATION - People get into retro
stuff but we want to see someone automate their
house with their Amstrad CPC. Seriously we just
read about "red box" - a system for turning
individual plugs on and off all powered by
Alan's finest.
Send your shite to:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
New song titles that you can also play as notes
and suggestions on who should perform them:
Bad Beef (Kanye West)
Edge Decade (Bowie)
Bed Face (Ariana Grande)
Dada Babe (Ultravox)
Obviously you could also have stuff like "dead
cabbage" but that would be silly and we don't
like silly songs.
-------------------------------------------------
: CREDIT
Edited / written whatever you call it, by Rob
Manuel. Additional links from Monkeon & Matt
Round, i124nk8 & Zuowan. Joke by Delay Tactics.
Tip by The Archduke of South London.
-------------------------------------------------
: TOP TIP
* INTERNET GEEKS - trick your online friends
into thinking you have real friends by not
logging online for a few hours.
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
*HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
*JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL
DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick
Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek,
Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex
Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew
Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben
Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
Philadelphia.
Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
The human urge to correct strangers on the
internet is why Twitter is so bad and Wikipedia
is so good.
-------------------------------------------------
: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our longest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
-------------------------------------------------
: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
How do they put the holes in a colander?
Sieve I care.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
