NEWSLETTER: "OPEN THIS NEWSLETTER LIKE YOU STILL GIVE A SHIT"
"Open this newsletter like you still give a shit"
This Week:
* CONTENT - Inside your brain like idea jam
* WORDS - That will inspire you to nuke the moon
* IMAGES - Made by gods, for gods
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shoving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | down the bog and trying to
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| make it flush... together"
B3ta shitemail 786 - 10th Sep 2021
Read this issue using a Currah Microspeech:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue786
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than shitting on a fish for onlyfins
* VISUALISE SOME TWEETS - Terence Eden writes,
"I would love it if you featured TweeView in
B3TA. Here's a fun interactive visualisation
of a recent fesshole." Cool, what this is does
is present a tree view of a tweet so you can
see how the replies spread out. Fun to nose at
stuff and a good use of the recent Twitter API
update.
https://tweeview.ml/3d.php
* BUTTYSTOCK NEEDS CONTRIBUTORS - Matt Round
writes, "Going to run out of new crisp
sandwich pics to tweet in a few months, if
you’d like to help avoid this DISASTER then
let me know, payment is in the form of vast
quantities of crisps. Ideally could do with 3
or 4 people (I might stop when ButtyStock
reaches 1,000 pics/videos) There are still
plenty of ways to easily do new types of pic,
and a few people have enjoyed it as a family
project" Contact him via his world wide
website if you're interested.
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/
* 'SPELLING MISTAKE COSTS LIVES' NEED YOUR
HELP - Uncle Pills makes an articulate case
for his latest project here:
https://b3ta.com/links/1573259
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions shared for cheap likes
Each week we ask strangers to masturbate into
a bin and we fish out the smelliest globs of
sperm and ask "does this smell funny to you?"
* EMBARRASSMENT - "A woman I thought I had a
chance with was sat opposite me at a party.
She lent in for a kiss and I reciprocated. At
this point I realised she was just standing up
to leave the table. The look of disgust and
horror on her face will live with me forever."
* BAD BOSSING - "Training the new girl at
work. Didn't like her and thought she could
steal my job so I trained her badly: she was
sacked. Turns out she was my replacement
because they wanted to promote me. Now I can't
get tue promotion because I'm apparently shit
at training people."
* CIGS - "I think smoking is absolutely
horrible and anyone who smokes is a victim of
the tobacco industry. Until I've had three
pints, then I basically turn into Serge
Gainsbourg and can't get enough of the
delicious little bastards."
Join the 172,000 habitual wankers who should
know better. More followers than Spiked Online
slightly less cunty.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some jeans
Look away from your phone and see those things
below your waist? They're called your legs and
they need to be clothed, which is handy as the
B3ta sponsor Hebtro sells jeans which will
clothe your legs. Then you can forget about
your lovely legs and worry about your phone
again.
https://hebtro.co/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by some other cunts
* LET'S REBUILD TWITTER WITHOUT THE TERRIBLE
REPLIES - Microblogging without the
followers/replies/etc and an interesting
earnings-based pricing model.
https://thoughts.page
* QUEEN'S GAMBIT: THE BOARD GAME - The hit
Netflix show has its own board game and...
hang on a sec...
https://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/346101/que...
* AN AI TRAINED ON ENGLISH PLACE NAMES - could
have had a nicer design for the output,
considering street signs would be quite easy
to do in CSS. However, keeping AI challenges
simple always works well, and Knobstone and
Bumwater could well exist.
http://villagebot.xyz
* MAKE QUICK MASH UPS - completely addicted to
this site where you give it two youtube videos
and it automatically makes a mash-up. Here's
the acid house version of Star Trekkin' just
made by us typing, we dunno, 5 words.
https://rave.dj/wCMVpHQ2wFgYzQ
Might as well link to the thread where your
editor can't stop himself posting loads of
them - and there's loads of people joining in
the replies too.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1433424842271...
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Two for the price of, well, zero we suppose
* ANT FARM - All the fun of owning an ant
farm, without the risk of them escaping and
doing the conga to the sugar in your kitchen.
There are challenges, but we found it relaxing
to just to watch it play out.
https://antgame.io
* BUTTER FALL - Stop the bread landing butter
side down in this high-octane breakfast
simulator.
https://sunderer.itch.io/butter-up
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How do you know when your goose eggs have gone off?
They start honking
The brilliantly named 'The Porcupine From
Purgatory' is sorry that he's written a joke:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Sainsburys Archive
Here's the best images from last week:
* SAINSBURY'S BASIC INSTINCT - from
(a)lexistwit
http://b3ta.com/board/11350173
* LOTS OF PRODUCTS - from monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11350061
* BASIC HUMOUR - from Sn0tters
http://b3ta.com/board/11350158
* See all the other images from the
'Sainsburys Archive' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/sainsburys/popular/
>> This week: Abba <<
ABBA are back in hologram form so let's
celebrate that in GIFs and JPEGs, the true
media of the post-existing virtual reality.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/abba/popular/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
OK this bit is hard to fill so we're going to
make some puns based on old board games and
see where it takes us:
* SCRABBALE - can you play Scrabble with Benny
& Bjorn who've replaced all the letters with
A,B,B AND A? It's the name of the game!
* BATTLESHITS - find and destroy the enemy
turds in this exciting game where you truly
can sink the Bismark.
* PICTIONGARY - it's very like Pictionary but
all the things you have to draw are Gary
Numan, Gary Barlow and Gary Linekar. Don't
draw Glitter and upset people.
Surely you can do better than this FFS:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Next time you play the lottery, pretend to buy
a ticket. That way you can lose for free.
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all/
