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NEWSLETTER: "OPEN THIS NEWSLETTER LIKE YOU STILL GIVE A SHIT"

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"Open this newsletter like you still give a shit"
This Week:
* CONTENT - Inside your brain like idea jam
* WORDS - That will inspire you to nuke the moon
* IMAGES - Made by gods, for gods

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're shoving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | down the bog and trying to 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| make it flush... together"

B3ta shitemail 786 - 10th Sep 2021

Read this issue using a Currah Microspeech:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue786

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than shitting on a fish for onlyfins

  * VISUALISE SOME TWEETS - Terence Eden writes,
  "I would love it if you featured TweeView in
  B3TA. Here's a fun interactive visualisation
  of a recent fesshole." Cool, what this is does
  is present a tree view of a tweet so you can
  see how the replies spread out. Fun to nose at
  stuff and a good use of the recent Twitter API
  update.
https://tweeview.ml/3d.php

  * BUTTYSTOCK NEEDS CONTRIBUTORS - Matt Round
  writes, "Going to run out of new crisp
  sandwich pics to tweet in a few months, if
  you’d like to help avoid this DISASTER then
  let me know, payment is in the form of vast
  quantities of crisps. Ideally could do with 3
  or 4 people (I might stop when ButtyStock
  reaches 1,000 pics/videos) There are still
  plenty of ways to easily do new types of pic,
  and a few people have enjoyed it as a family
  project" Contact him via his world wide
  website if you're interested.
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/

  * 'SPELLING MISTAKE COSTS LIVES' NEED YOUR
  HELP - Uncle Pills makes an articulate case
  for his latest project here:
https://b3ta.com/links/1573259

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions shared for cheap likes

  Each week we ask strangers to masturbate into
  a bin and we fish out the smelliest globs of
  sperm and ask "does this smell funny to you?"

  * EMBARRASSMENT - "A woman I thought I had a
  chance with was sat opposite me at a party.
  She lent in for a kiss and I reciprocated. At
  this point I realised she was just standing up
  to leave the table. The look of disgust and
  horror on her face will live with me forever."

  * BAD BOSSING - "Training the new girl at
  work. Didn't like her and thought she could
  steal my job so I trained her badly: she was
  sacked. Turns out she was my replacement
  because they wanted to promote me. Now I can't
  get tue promotion because I'm apparently shit
  at training people."

  * CIGS - "I think smoking is absolutely
  horrible and anyone who smokes is a victim of
  the tobacco industry. Until I've had three
  pints, then I basically turn into Serge
  Gainsbourg and can't get enough of the
  delicious little bastards."

  Join the 172,000 habitual wankers who should
  know better. More followers than Spiked Online
  slightly less cunty.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some jeans

  Look away from your phone and see those things
  below your waist? They're called your legs and
  they need to be clothed, which is handy as the
  B3ta sponsor Hebtro sells jeans which will
  clothe your legs. Then you can forget about
  your lovely legs and worry about your phone
  again. 
https://hebtro.co/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by some other cunts

  * LET'S REBUILD TWITTER WITHOUT THE TERRIBLE
  REPLIES - Microblogging without the
  followers/replies/etc and an interesting
  earnings-based pricing model.
https://thoughts.page

  * QUEEN'S GAMBIT: THE BOARD GAME - The hit
  Netflix show has its own board game and...
  hang on a sec...
https://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/346101/que...

  * AN AI TRAINED ON ENGLISH PLACE NAMES - could
  have had a nicer design for the output,
  considering street signs would be quite easy
  to do in CSS. However, keeping AI challenges
  simple always works well, and Knobstone and
  Bumwater could well exist.
http://villagebot.xyz

  * MAKE QUICK MASH UPS - completely addicted to
  this site where you give it two youtube videos
  and it automatically makes a mash-up. Here's
  the acid house version of Star Trekkin' just
  made by us typing, we dunno, 5 words.
https://rave.dj/wCMVpHQ2wFgYzQ

  Might as well link to the thread where your
  editor can't stop himself posting loads of
  them - and there's loads of people joining in
  the replies too. 
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1433424842271...

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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
  Two for the price of, well, zero we suppose

  * ANT FARM - All the fun of owning an ant
  farm, without the risk of them escaping and
  doing the conga to the sugar in your kitchen.
  There are challenges, but we found it relaxing
  to just to watch it play out.
https://antgame.io

  * BUTTER FALL - Stop the bread landing butter
  side down in this high-octane breakfast
  simulator.
https://sunderer.itch.io/butter-up

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How do you know when your goose eggs have gone off?
They start honking

The brilliantly named 'The Porcupine From
Purgatory' is sorry that he's written a joke:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Sainsburys Archive

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * SAINSBURY'S BASIC INSTINCT -  from
  (a)lexistwit
http://b3ta.com/board/11350173

  * LOTS OF PRODUCTS  - from monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11350061

  * BASIC HUMOUR - from Sn0tters
http://b3ta.com/board/11350158

  * See all the other images from the
  'Sainsburys Archive' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/sainsburys/popular/

  >> This week: Abba <<
  ABBA are back in hologram form so let's
  celebrate that in GIFs and JPEGs, the true
  media of the post-existing virtual reality.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/abba/popular/

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off

  OK this bit is hard to fill so we're going to
  make some puns based on old board games and
  see where it takes us:

  * SCRABBALE - can you play Scrabble with Benny
  & Bjorn who've replaced all the letters with
  A,B,B AND A? It's the name of the game!

  * BATTLESHITS - find and destroy the enemy
  turds in this exciting game where you truly
  can sink the Bismark.

  * PICTIONGARY - it's very like Pictionary but
  all the things you have to draw are Gary
  Numan, Gary Barlow and Gary Linekar. Don't
  draw Glitter and upset people.

  Surely you can do better than this FFS:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: TOP TIP
  Next time you play the lottery, pretend to buy
  a ticket. That way you can lose for free.
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all/

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