NEWSLETTER: "SORRY YOU WERE OUT - YODEL HAS LEFT YOUR NEWSLETTER IN THE SPAM FOLDER"
This Week:
* KUNT - Announces bid for Xmas No 1
* RNLI - charity Xmas card designed by Dr Dunno
* FESSHOLE - Breaks 200k followers. You can stop now
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're flushing the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | down the bog & hoping
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| that'll help... together"
B3ta email 797 - 26 Nov 2021
Read this issue to your dog's balls:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue797
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making the authorities suspicious
* KUNT AND THE GANG CHRISTMAS NO 1 BID -
'Boris Johnson Is Still A F***ing C*nt' by The
Kunts will be released on all platforms on
17th December.
http://borisjohnson.info/
* REFUGEE CHRISTMAS CARD - Chris Barker AKA Dr
Dunno has designed a Christmas card with
profits going to RNLI.
https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Season-o...
* 1k CHESS INTRODUCES 'TWITCH STREAMING' MODE
- Matt Round writes, "I've added a Twitch
stream mode in case anyone fancies challenging
their viewers, there's a link at the bottom
that adds grid labels & a 1 minute timer." And
if you don't fancy streaming this on Twitch,
you could always just play and shout your
progress over a CB radio.
https://vole.wtf/kilobytes-gambit/
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy your dude clothes this Christmas
You probably know some men who need presents,
be they partners, fathers or offspring, they
are men and men need either cheese, booze or
clothes every Christmas else they get sad and
wilt. You don't want a wilting man in your
life - give them the gift of sturdy jeans,
British made from Hebtro dot co.
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols
Each week we ask you shout your fibs into a
bin and then we pick out the grottiest shit to
share on MySpace:
* DADS UNITE - "I am the ultimate dad with the
central heating: 19° max for 1 hour in the
morning and 3 in the evening - except on my
midweek day off when the family are all out.
Then it's 23° all day."
* CLASS WAR - "Group assignment during 3rd
year of uni. Got lumped with a lazy posh twat
who offered to pay the group members £100 each
to do his work because he 'just needed to
pass'. So naturally we took the money and
omitted his name from the final project, he
had to resit the year."
* PRIDE - "Someone I follow on Twitter bangs
on about her only son, what a good kid he is
and how he cried at the recent vigils in
London. She posted a picture of him the other
day. He's my coke dealer. I nearly shit myself
laughing."
Join the 204,000 people who should have their
floppy disks inspected by The Sweeney:
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by others and not Bono from U2
* THE SECRET LIFE OF MATT HANCOCK - for those
who miss the Hancock app - his video diary
really delivers.
https://twitter.com/mralistairgreen/status/1461620...
* PET RABBIT OR CHOC DISPENSER - just a simple
but joyous lol that'll make your heart a
little less heavy in these troubled times. No?
You don't like our new style. Fuck you.
https://b3ta.com/links/Pet_or_novelty_chocolate_ra...
* FACEBOOK TRAFFIC SHITE - Interesting article
on the 'most viral page on Facebook' basically
a pile of shite that got a shit tonne of
traffic sent to it for no good reason other
than Facebook either decided to or because
their algorithms are shite.
https://www.garbageday.email/p/when-the-traffic-fi...
* ARE WE CONSTANTLY PANICKING? An archive of
news clippings about moral panics in history.
Suggests that youth culture has given nothing
particularly new to worry about since the jazz
panic of the 1920s. Suppose the point of this
is to go "stop worrying" which is good advice
because societal bad shit is going to happen
with or without you worrying about.
https://pessimistsarchive.org
* SHIT TECH BINGO - Keep a log of which big
tech companies have fucked up this month in
the form of this bingo card. November seems
to have produced an awful lot of winning
cards. Hopefully one day all the squares will
be permanently green, starting with Facebook.
https://outage.bingo
* VERY SIMPLE GAMES COST BILLIONS - Google
spent millions on a load of html5 games just
so they could see if people in countries with
low spec devices/connections want to play
little web games. Entertaining enough if
you're 6. Or had a knock to the head.
https://gamesnacks.com/embed/
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: WE LIKE THE AMAZON FIRE STICK
Costs fuck all, and does fucking loads
Pretty impressed with the Amazon Firestick, it
supports the obvious stuff: Disney+, iPlayer,
Netflix & Prime but the sneaky feature that's
really good is that it's reduced our need for
remotes from three down to one, as it also
turns the TV on and off and controls the
volume on the soundbar. Oh and searching using
voice is loads easier than typing with an
onscreen keyboard. Yes this is an affiliate
link so we'll get like 50p or something if you
buy one, but it is honestly the best £19.99
we've spent in ages.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B08C1RR8J...
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: FRIDAY GAMES
Can you estimate a minute?
Bit of a dull implementation but seems fairly
popular at the moment - we'd like to see a
fancier version that showed you in pseudo
real-time the guesses. To make it a bit more
like how we played this game as a child in a
scout hut. That sounds wrong doesn't it?
https://jinay.dev/just-a-minute/
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What is French electronic musician Jean-Michel Jarre's
favourite time of the day?
MIDI!
Thanks monkeon.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Animals treating humans like animals
Here's the best images from last week:
* Ninj imagines the best bit of going for walk
in the park
https://b3ta.com/board/11355164
* Chumps inverts the relationship between
mouse and cleaner
https://b3ta.com/board/11355146
* CaptainMaak writes postcards from spiders.
More postcards from spiders please.
https://b3ta.com/board/11355462
* See all the other images from the 'Animals
treating humans like animals' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalshumananimals/popu...
>> This week: Monster Pun Amnesty <<
Get all your Gorn puns out of your system,
alongside any for Godzilla, Mothra or the
Blob. It's monster pun week.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalshumananimals/popu...
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Ideas to spark you off
* READERS.WAVS - not sure if this would be
audio recordings of people getting jiggy or
something else. But thanks to Matt Muir for
asking us to suggest this.
* A NICE TIGHT 90 MIN EDIT OF GET BACK -
surely someone can edit down the 8 hours to
something a bit more manageable for a casual
viewer?
* BINSTAGRAM - a social network for working
out "when is bins?"
Send your death threats to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS We love all these people.
Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Don't wear gloves indoors when picking up your
dole. You won't feel the benefit. (Peej)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
