NEWSLETTER: "8 HOUR DOCUMENTARY ABOUT WRITING THE B3TA NEWSLETTER REJECTED BY DISNEY+"
This Week:
* KUNT'S VIDEO - it's out!
* MONSTER PUN AMNESTY - challenge results
* FESSHOLE - let's link to the best of. Yay.
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | with CTRL+S & then backing
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| it up on a ZX Microdrive"
B3ta o-mail 798 - 3th Ant & December 2021
Read this issue in a sarcastic voice and give up:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue798
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making a mess in the bathroom
* KUNT VIDEO NOW OUT, the prepublicity for
Kunt's attempt at a Xmas no 1 single continues
and he's brought out a Timelords/KLF style
single. There's going to be remixes too -
including one from someone very close to this
newsletter.
http://borisjohnson.info/
* RNLI XMAS CARD SALES - DR Dunno AKA Chris
Barker writes, "Wow. What an incredible
difference a plug in the b3ta newsletter makes
- even this century. Sold hundreds. All
profits have gone to RNLI and someone said
they’re going to send one to that cunt Farage
which sounds like a great idea to me. There
should still be time if anyone else wants
to..."
https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Season-o...
* NOVEL EGG TIMER IDEA - jurassicpaul writes,
"I may have had too much time on my hands
during lockdown..."
https://b3ta.com/links/Novel_egg_timer_idea
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Remember it's nearly Christmas
Each week we remind you that it's nearly
Christmas and that a good idea for presents
for the men in your life would be clothes from
Hebtro, and then invariably someone pipes up
saying "what about women?" and yet you can buy
them sturdy jeans and boots too if they're
into that. Anyway, thank you Hebtro for
supporting B3ta and Fesshole, we really do
appreciate it, so readers of our web bollocks,
please go and buy some stuff.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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FYI: Chris of EggPod is going to do a month long
podcast following the Get Back documentary in
real time. Well not a month long, but a podcast
for each day. So stick that in your Sanyo
boombox for Jan 2022. Will also be compatible
with Matsui tape to tape decks, if you haven't
upgraded yet.
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions
Each week we ask you to spew fibs into the lie
bin and we pick out a few to tweet out for
worthless internet points:
* WHIMSY - "I like to flick through boxes of
After Eight Mints imagining that I'm a giant
DJ"
* ROBOTS - "A couple of months ago I spent
£650 on a robotic hoover - my wife went
nuclear!! It's utter shite tbh, but to save
face I wait until she's gone out and then I
get our vax out and let the robotic one take
the credit."
* PUBLISHING - "I'm a reasonably well-known
author. I like nothing more than buying my own
books for £2 on eBay so I can autograph them
and sell them at a profit."
Join the, christ, 207k people who should know
better - link goes to the best of October so
that's worth a click if clicking is your
thing.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14660204228483...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by people who probably hate us
* FUCK ADVERTS - we were fantasing that Ad
Block would be even better if it also clicked
the ads to fuck up all the metrics for the
advertisers and turns out that this exists.
The bastards. Obviously we are hypocrites and
the sponsorship of this newsletter doesn't
count.
https://adnauseam.io/
* TUNE THAT INSPIRED KNIGHTRIDER - This week
we learned that the composer of Knight Rider
was very much inspired by Sphinx by Harry
Thumann, whoever he was. Actually we know, coz
we went down a rabbithole and found out. He
had a minor hit with a novelty sampling track
based around dog's barks that gave Simon
Cowell an early taste of fame. But don't hold
that against him, this track is banging.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_song_the_composer_of_Kn...
* 3D MODEL OF BBC MICRO - well that's one may
to make emulation a bit more fun.
https://virtual.bbcmic.ro/
* RUDE MESSAGES SPOTIFY PLAYLIST GENERATOR -
Send subliminal messages to people via song
titles with this Spotify playlist generator.
Could really do with a tweet-to-playlist
option for the lazy, though.
https://weirdspot.fyi
* RASPBERRY PI CLOCK - no, come back, this one
is quite fun we promise. Well it works in a
ridiculous way anyway.
https://www.raspberrypi.com/news/robot-arm-clock-t...
* TEXT TO AI IMAGE (AGAIN) - This week's AI
art generator is pretty and makes all AI art
feel completely disposable and without value
as usual.
https://app.wombo.art/
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: FRIDAY GAMES
You're being audited - destroy the evidence
Pretend you were part of the Trump campaign
with this realistic speed-shredding simulator.
https://hastilyassembled.itch.io/audit
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What's Stevie Nicks' favourite conspiracy theory?
Qaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanon
Er.. thank you 'The Porcupine From Purgatory'.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: THIS WEEK IN IMAGES
What's like, the /board but in three links?
* Andy_R has returned with his traditional
advent colander. Maybe a hi-def remaster next
year?
https://b3ta.com/board/11356528
* Monkeon did one that was popular although we
didn't get the reference
https://b3ta.com/board/11356501
* Our monster pun challenge got over 130
entries which is good for us, in these wintery
days of our decline:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/MonsterPunAmnesty/popul...
STOP PRESS! We do actually have a new
challenge. Religious movies, ok?
https://b3ta.com/challenge/religiousmovies/popular...
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Three ideas for your brain
* HOW BRITISH ARE YOUR TEETH? - coz leaning
into US perceptions about the UK is probably
good for clicks
* WALK AROUND A NON-ENGLISH POSTER MUSEUM WITH
GOOGLE TRANSLATE - and see if you can get more
stuff like this:
https://twitter.com/babadookspinoza/status/1465101...
* ORGANISE A MUSIC FESTIVAL - for Jim Corr,
Right Said Fred & Ian Brown. Preferably in the
middle of the sea.
Stick your content up our arse:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Pretend you're Terry nutkin by letting an
otter bite your fingers off (Kevseabass)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
