It was like that when I found it
When I was 17 I picked up my motorbike after some dickhead had kicked it over, and as I did so I felt a horrible burning tearing sensation in my lower abdomen. Fast forward a couple of years (you’ll have to imagine the wavy shimmery lines and fade-out)….

…aaaand I found myself laying in a hospital bed shortly due to be wheeled into theatre for an operation to repair a grapefruit-sized abdominal hernia. It was situated just above the groin on the right hand side of my body, and as you may expect it was necessary to remove a bit of hair from this area before they could slit me open.

A nurse came over to the bed with a paper sheet, metal bowl and a disposable razor and informed me that I would need to shave off my pubes. No problem, thought I, kinda cool and amusing to see what it’ll all look like. So I smiled confidently to her, took the razor and said no worries, be done in two minutes.

As she began to draw the curtain around the bed, I glanced up and happened to rest my eyes upon the other nurse on duty on the ward. She was early twenties, Irish, jet black hair and snow white skin, and bloody gorgeous.

Oh, and she was sat behind a desk with no “modesty board” and had her legs quite wide apart – I could quite clearly see straight up her kilt with a perfect view of her skimpy little drawers with a clear camel-toe line up the middle and bits of hairy black bush* peeping out either side.

The curtains closed, and on cue two minutes later they opened again and nurse number one came back in, to find me sat on the bed naked from the waist down, shaved quite clear of pubes – and with the most enormous raging** erection she could surely have seen for quite some time.

She looked at me, I looked at her, and said “um, it’s, er, it’s not what it looks like....”

The worst thing was I didn’t even get the chance to wank the thing away for another two days.

* hey, it was the 80s
** hey, I was nineteen
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 14:13, Reply)