Waxing.
I get my lady bits waxed every few weeks (Brazillian if you must know), which involves taking my knickers off and allowing a middle aged woman to wrench hair from my poor nether regions with wax. Nothing erotic about that I can assure you.

Except the one time when the attractive 21 year old did me instead.

After waxing they massage you with creams and oils to sooth your skin. Man alive did this girl massage! I haven't been touched like that in a bloody long time!I had to stare at the ceiling and bite my lip. I was on the edge of a potentially inappropriate orgasm!

I am a straight woman but I haven't had any action for about a year and a half, so it was all good! Don't mind a bit of girly action though.

Edit: Hammond? Ohhhhh yes.
(Just a girl., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 23:10, Reply)

Posh 'cox'
I used to row for the civil service rowing club. We were shite, I was an important part of why we were shite but less so than the 17 stone whinging asthmatic in our crew, Why were we put in the boat?

Anyway, this one time we were easyed (sitting doing nothing) when one of the Oxbridge boat race crews went past. Their cox said "On the next stroke, I want you to lengthen out, harden up and spurt!"

Ok, I know what the cox actually meant but it didn't stop us or the boat race crew from falling into bits.

We used to have this really sexy cox called Kate. Every now and then while we were rowing (badly) she would say "Can I feel it? Yes, there! More strokes like that, yes, there, there, there, c'mon push through! Yes that's right, now I'm feeling it, can you hear the bubbles under your bow?"

Ok after that, I have to tell you that it is really fucking hard to row with a stiffy without causing permanent injury to oneself.

Espeically when you are rowing at stroke (right in front of the cox) and the splashing caused by your inept crewmates is causing her to look like something out of a wet t-shirt competition.

I have since asked her about this and she was fully aware of all of it. She figured that if she was going to be out on the river at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning, we were going to suffer too. In interesting ways.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 23:07, Reply)

this happened today
sitting in the waiting room for the dentist, reading an exciting edition of "hale and bowdon life" of some such local nonsense, turn over the page
DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD OF LINGERIE

jesus christ...
( Iananan Formerly known as el-rodente, not that you care, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 22:41, Reply)

Piano Lessons
I don't know what it is about my piano lessons that are so arousing. I think it may have something to do with how my piano teacher talks. She speaks very poshly and says such things as "You have to push from behind" "Now I want you to do it slowly not to fast, you're getting over excited", "One must puush (said orgasmically) into the keys", "Its all in the wrist action", "use your whole body not just your hands".
I've often had to try and hide an erection while playing, not an easy feat by any means.
(Phagenius, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 22:19, Reply)

Friday night in
A few years back, after a lazy Friday afternoon at home, I developed an excruciating pain in my right side. It came on so quickly and so hard I started screaming and calling for my wife (who'd just come home). She called the ambulance and I was taken off to hospital.

On the ride in the ambulance, I thought I was going to die. They had me on gas and air but couldn't give me anything stronger because they didn't really know what I had. I sucked down two tanks before we arrived at hospital. I truly believed this was the end of me. I even started wondering if I'd left my wife with enough money to carry on.

We got to hospital and I was rushed into one of those curtained cubicles and kinda left for the doctor's to start playing their guessing game with my guts. After many, many questions, the pain started to subside. Just as it slid away and I began to relax, a really cute blonde lady doctor came into my cubicle and declared that she had to stick her finger up my bum. She said it would probably be uncomfortable and that I should try to relax.

Now, I was still high on the gas and air, the pain was more or less gone, and I was starting to think I was going to live after all. I was relaxed. I was relaxed *everywhere*. When the good doctor's finger slipped up inside me, it felt goooood. Very, very gooood!

Feeling slighly woozy still, it was all I could do to stop moaning with pleasure as blonde doctor played around in my chocolate cave. I certainly didn't want to smile because my wife was standing right next to me and, having seen me screaming for hours, might not appreciate the sentiment.

Best Friday night I've ever had.

Btw, It was a itty bitty little kidney stone.
(The Return of Squirter, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 20:58, Reply)

Reading this post
www.b3ta.com/questions/weirdteachers/post43383/

Reading this...dunno if I'm ashamed
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Tue 7 Feb 2006, 20:17, Reply)

Just where is that switch?!
Yes understand the optican one. The darkness that very odd looking chair like some ex Hammer Horror set piece, the face soo irresitably close... trying not to just kiss them...

Also was once helping to empty a walk in cuboard with very nice guy from a storage company. only the door of the cuboard opened into a corridor and someone thought it would be funny to shut it whilst we were both in it. Cue ensuing fumbling (in pitch darkness) to try and find light switch and many mumbled 'sorry' when groping hands found the 'wrong' switches.

Made the day go o so much quicker
(Jelly suprize Has been trying to find the exit since, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 19:43, Reply)

At a 21st party,........
I was dancing with this really hot girl. Thinking i might be in with a shout of bedroom gymnastics later, my mind wandered to all the extremely rude and erotic things i would do to her if this circumstance were to arise. Fairly obviously something else rose, just as she came flying back from one of those "i'll twirl you out there and then bring you right back in here" sort of moves. She looked horrified at first as my raging boner dug into her hip. Then she laughed and fucked off. Bitch! Was nearly accidently erotic but ended up being accidently embarrassing as fuck. Doh! No bedroom gymnastics ensued by the way.
(Scoopfoot loves lamp, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 19:15, Reply)

this post also reminded me...
b3ta.com/board/5631188

Sometimes all I have to see is a man's hands and I get all hot and bothered, damn a good imagination can be both a blessing and a curse.
(this week i am mostly - medicated, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 19:06, Reply)

All this talk of Richard Hammond...
shouldn't it be in "Little things that turn you on"?

Sorry
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 18:38, Reply)

my theory...
...is that this picture can be used to answer any question of the week whatsoever.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 18:31, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/board/5631076
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 18:22, Reply)

guys in make up
tim curry as frank n furter gets me every time i watch rocky horror. i also have a great picture of brian molko in the bath smoking a huge cigar and wearing a cowboy hat. mmmm very sexy - oops did i say that out loud?!
(wench, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 18:12, Reply)

Chinese girls don't shave their pits....
While teaching in China I noticed one of my students was wearing a strappy top, and had a couple of monkeys living in her pits.

My original disgust quickly turned to thoughts of what it would be like to lick them, and then fuck the hairy pits in question.

I had to give the rest of the lesson sitting behind my desk.

Oh, I also tend to get wood looking at the giraffes at the zoo.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:54, Reply)

Practically normal when I read other people's posts
I do aikido twice a week; for those of you who don't know what it's like, think along the lines of judo but with less brute strength more applying pressure and turning joints the way they aren't supposed to go.

Now, I personally find very bitter male sweat one of the sexiest things on earth, plus during a fight your heart rate shoots up, and I’ve a slight tendency for the sado-masochism thing; add into this that we're a predominantly male club and you’ll see where I’m going with this. Yes, there’s been more than once I’ve been ‘making tuna mayonnaise’ in my pants as one of the cute guys applies a wrist lock before driving my arm through my head and into the floor.
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:26, Reply)

Bring me off with your mouse.
Making the 'best' page of this QOTW would cause definite arousal, nay climax.

Click it good, baby.
(oranguturn, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:59, Reply)

First time
I cycled down to the rwing sheds at my schools, I started to feel very funny in the old ladybits...it involved going over a stretch of bumpy ground (short cut next to a field), and I found that if I tilted my pelvis a little, the feeling was rather pleasing...my rowing partner though I must not be as fit as I'd claimed, since my face was rather flushed when we got to the sheds!

Does getting one's jollies whilst cycling count as accidentally erotic?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Nose penises
The cum face thing reminded me - when I meet some men, a very graphic picture pops into my head of what their genitalia looks like based on the shape of their nose. It seems to have nothing to do with the type or size of nose, or their age or anything else, and is most distracting (especially when talking to attractive young men) as all I can think is 'I can see your cock - ha ha!', which inevitably leads to... other things in my head. Even when talking to exceedingly unattractive people and relatives. Most accidental, but not always erotic.

Apologies for testicle nostrils.
(kitteny_goodness, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Again with the bus stop boners....
It didn't help that whilst desperately scanning the surroundings for distractions, I kept seeing street signs such as "Arden Place".

And as for the unbelievable discomfort of having your boner trapped under your leg whilst be-seatbelted in a cramped, moving car...damn sado-masochistic speed bumps.
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:27, Reply)

Sesame Street bukkake
Once when I was very little, there was a bit on Sesame Street where one of the female cast (I think Maria?) had a bucket of water thrown at her, leading to a feeling which I now realise to be the desire to soak someone with cum in a loving and consensual fashion.

Oo, oo, just thought of something - much like Gordon Griggs probably does to the unblinking, unliving faces of his Realdolls, as per the picture below.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 15:25, Reply)

Animal magic...
A guy I know has a habit of purring and growling, depending on his mood...and very convincingly too, though more like a tiger than a moggy...it's been a while now, but I still associate some very happy memories with certain catlike sounds...as a result I have a tendency to get flustered at catfood adverts on telly...damn purring...and once I went all weak in the knees in a toystore...someone behind me started to play with the toytiger - complete with realistic growl - I had to crouch in the corner there for a while, looking at the stuffed toys, to hide my shaky state.
(this week i am mostly - medicated, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:59, Reply)

Also,
Watching Platoon. That scene where three of them are bullying the Vietnamese bloke with the goofy teeth. The shoot him in the feet and then knock him over and bash his brains out with the butt of a rifle.
One says "Did you see that head come apart?"
Another "Yeah. I've never seen brains like that before."
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:24, Reply)

lol @ sex-faces :P
haha! man i do that to, dont turn me on, but i often wonder what theyde look like in the middle of a mammoth orgasm. tis amusing as hell ;)
(MajorAsshole when will then be now?, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:24, Reply)

Didn't think work could arouse me
(apart from when remembering naughtiness with Mr Flaps), but was talking to a client over the phone (I do sales), and he had this very slow, langurous way of talking, as if he was savouring every syllable*.



*The word "syllable" turns me on too, for some reason. And "lithe". But for some reason I can't stand "nipples".
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:19, Reply)

I was 8, she was 6
My friend was out when I went to call for him. His mum suggested i go and play with his sister while i waited.
We played this game where she would take a plastic rifle and shoot me in the head, then the neck, then the heart. Over and over.

I was too young to get wood. But the odd feeling in my young loins, one that i had never felt before, was definitely a powerful erotic experience.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:16, Reply)

Walking to town
Bizarre combination of:

- looseness of fly on boxers
- looseness/positioning of trousers
- speed of my walking

= essentially wanking myself off with my trousers as I walked into town on saturday night.

Weird
(D-A-P, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:12, Reply)

the erotometer's showing a sudden decline captain.
I've made the Gordon Griggs picture come back after it disappeared for a bit. That should take all the fun out of the discussion.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:10, Reply)

Cybersex
Mine is from Dr Who. Now that isn't too unusual is it? There has been plenty of
non-accidental eroticism over the years after all. But me, I find myself getting all turned on watching cybermen, I think it's something about the way they walk. And now they're coming baaaaack! I do hope Russell Davies doesn't let me down.
(nettle, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 12:16, Reply)

Silencio
"Cavegirl
Pretty feckin' edgy for a kids show - am I bad?"

Too right, Cavegirl is filth. I don't know how they get away with it.
(Maker of Dreams, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 12:10, Reply)