Sorry, reminded me of an old one...
Old chap walks into a confessional, sits down and says, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

"We are all God's children, my son, confess your sins and ye shall be forgiven. Please continue."

"Well Father", continues old gentleman, "Last night, I was lonely, so I left my TV, dressed up in my finest, called some old friends and went to the pub. I hadn't even tasted beer since my wife passed some months ago. It was wonderful.

It was later on, after a few chasers, that I found myself outside a club, smoking. I haven't had a cigarette in five years.

Two blond girls came up and started talking to me, they can't have been over nineteen. I seemed to make them laugh quite easily, and I relaxed for the first time in months."

"Well", says the priest, "There's no sin here"

"Oh, I know, Father, but they were buying me drinks and dancing, and we were having such a time. When I said it was time for me to go, they looked so sad and asked if they could come with me for a cup of tea. Well, I couldn't leave two sweet girls out on a cold night topay for an expensive taxi, so I told them that would be wonderful"

"There's no shame in helping two girls out like this", said the priest

"No Father, I know. Well, they came back with me, but while the kettle was boiling, they started arguing about some boys they knew who had told them they were ugly. I said I didn't understand, they were so pretty. They said I was a very sweet liar. One girl then took my hand and placed it on her breast, saying the boys she knew didn't like them. It felt very firm, the young nipple swelled in my palm like a pellet. I told her it seemed very nice to me.

Her friend took my other hand, and placed it on hers, asking me if they felt as nice. I said they were both equally wonderful.

That was when the first girl started rubbing herself against me, and well Father, I committed a carnal sin. First with her, then with her friend, before they started pleasuring each other and me at the same time.

We must have been at it all night, the beautiful, blond, nubile girls enjoying each other whilst I enjoyed them, each in turn, both together, every way you can imagine. We lay for a while in a sticky mess, the girls sliding over each other in the wetness until we all drifted off to sleep.

When we all woke up this morning, they just gave me a kiss and left with barely a word, telling me to be there the same time next week."

The priest, by this time, was feeling rather warm; blushing and stuttering, he tried to squeeze the words out, "Well, my son, how, erm, how long is it since your last confession?"

"Confession, Father?", replied the old chap, "But I'm Jewish."

"So what are you telling me for?", blustered the Priest

"I'm telling everyone!"
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 15:05, Reply)