Hello!
I am 23 year old model, and I am worried that my skin is aging and making me old and horrible looking, so I buy this new "Super Magic Wonder" cream which makes me look young and beautiful.

It contains many big, made up words for things which are basically nothing more than mashed up bits of plant, and it taughtens your skin, because that sounds better than tightens. (Taughtens has a squiggly red line under it here because it's not a fucking word, even my spellchecker agrees).

To sum up, we've been claiming the exact same things since the 50's while constantly ramping up the price for the snake oil I am currently peddling. But you want to look like me so you'll spend most of your wages buying what is essentially just vaseline.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 21:53, 8 replies)

it is a load of bollocks
although i believe the word is spelled tautened
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 22:03, closed)

That's probably why the spellchecker never found it then :P
They still only use it because tightened sounds less hoity-toity though :P

I absolutely despise adverts for "beauty products", they make my skin crawl.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 22:17, closed)

my cousin spends a fortune on beauty products
makeup, anti-wrinkle cream, toning lotions, the lot. she's still got a pockmarked face and is ugly as sin.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 22:25, closed)

Since this is the internet
I could feasibly claim this as my own, but credit where credit's due: one of our physiology tutors at uni once crossly told us that expensive moisturising creams were pointless and that their miracle claims are total bollocks because, and I quote: 'it's like trying to fix a knackered mattress by rubbing springs on it'. And it's pretty much true.
(berk, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 22:19, closed)

Hahaha
Brilliant :D
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 22:43, closed)

I similarly detest adverts for spot/acne creams demonstrated by some clear-skinned bitch who's obviously never had anything approaching a plook in her entire life!
(Bat-winged-flap-cat, Sun 18 Apr 2010, 23:51, closed)

i just read this out
to my girlfriend. She listened intently then asked if I could buy some for her.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 8:49, closed)

what I hate most
Is that they use prepubescent models to sell "anti-aging" cream to women in our 30s, 40s, 50s, etc., as if our skin was that good when were WERE her age, and there's no way in FUCK that she will be even REMOTELY NEAR the age of their "target demographic" FOR ANOTHER 40 FUCKING YEARS.

Bad enough that it's all bad "science," all of these rapidly-rising-prices on this cow-tit and sheep-placenta crap; they MAKE UP WORDS TO DESCRIBE THINGS AND PROCESSES THAT DON'T EXIST BECAUSE THEY ARE UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE IN ANY LAW OF PHYSICS OR PHYSIOLOGY, and NO, you cannot "Re-Elasticize" HUMAN SKIN because IT'S NOT A FUCKING ELASTIC WAISTBAND IN YOUR THONG!!! And they want fifty fucking dollars for that shit (the "collagen" in which, I might note, COMES FROM PLASMA-DONATION CENTERS DOWN IN THE HOOD, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY *TEST* FOR HIV & OTHER STDS, THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY PREVENT ANYONE FROM DONATING FOR $60 A WEEK!!!) AT WALLY-WORLD!!!!!! Bitches, please.

Even if I ever DO hit the lottery, I would sooner hand fifty bucks to a boozed-out bum sitting in front of a liquor store than waste it on vanity/fear and THAT OVERPRICED SHITE. Gravity happens, ladies, get used to it, and stop spray-tanning yourselves into the Oompah-Loompah union. Freaks.

Oh, and guys? Stop EXPECTING women to look like fucking models, even the low-rent ones in TV commercials, and NEVER expect us to be taut & perky PAST 27. Doesn't happen. Even the anorexic exercise-junkies AGE, they just turn into mummy-skinned bags o'bones who might still have the ab muscles to suck a navel orange through a garden hose. MIGHT. Don't get yer hopes up.

Accept real women, expect real women, and they might get to like the real you. And thus ends the sermon for today.
(AnntichristSCoulter, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 9:42, closed)