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This is a question Airport Stories

Back when I was a moody teenager I took a cheap flight that involved changing planes and having to go through security again. My bags were pre-checked so, when I set off the metal detector, I honestly said to the security guy that I had no idea what had set it off.

Until, that is, he searched me and found the metal knife and fork stamped "KLM" I'd nicked off the previous flight.

Tell us your best airport stories.

(, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 10:09)
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So... I'd been to france one summer to meet up with a rather nice girl I'd met some years back. The week went rather well and on the last night things got very fruity indeed. However, this was all taking place in her parents house who had no idea anything was going on, so at 5am she leaves my room to go back to hers "as if nothing happened" So I go to sleep a happy man...

Next morning I wake up and start to pack my stuff. It's then I notice she's left her underwear on the floor, and her parents are about to come in and sort the room out. What to do? Simple, I thought. So I bunged it all in my bag with the intention of giving it all back to her later. Honest. No, really...

Anyway, I forgot all about it and was getting a connecting flight back to england from Paris cdg. I was going through the x ray scanner jobbies when the belt stops, the guy operating it looks confused and then my bag goes back through the scanner again and this woman with a moustache starts to walk over to me.

Its at that point I did the thing that most people do in such a situation and looked completely guilty even though I'd done nothing. Mrs moustache then says in her best broken english "Err, can I look in ze bag?" and obviously I replied "Yeah! Of course! No problem..."

As the words left my lips I had vivid recollection of what I'd stuffed in my bag that morning. I could see said items in my head, and they were... At the very top of my bag. Time stopped as she slowly undid the zip. My mind was racing "How in gods name do i explain having womens underwear in my bag??"

She looked at me

I looked at her

I grinned. Inside, I was dying...

The lesson to be learned here children, is that NO one is going to believe you in such a situation if you try to make out you're not some weirdo transvestite wannabe who likes having a bit of lingerie in their hand luggage...

Oh yeah, why did they want a look in there? I had a block of cheese in there and they thought it was something dodgy. Bugger...

Length and girth? Not since the operation...
(, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 12:21, Reply)

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