Remote control cat
For this, you will need;

- A cat
- A laser pointer
- A room with at least 2 exits

Now, I know what you're thinking. "A cat and a laser pointer? He'll have it's eye out. Or something."

Don't be so fucking PC, of course it won't y'daft prick.

What it DOES do is give you access to your very own Remote Control Cat. Simply aim the light a few feet in front of your cat. The cat will notice the red dot and sit transfixed for a moment or two.

Move the light around; instinct takes over, and the cat will pursue. Pointlessly trying to capture a dot that is not there; not so smug and superior NOW are we, you bewhiskered miaowing tyrant!

The two exit minimum is so that, with the right positioning, you can have the cat running through 3 rooms chasing the dot.

And that is where the accidental cruelty came to the fore. Whilst playing with one of my cats in this manner, I had him hurtling round the house at that wall-of-death pace that only a cat indoors can manage for just over 20 minutes.

As I got the laser pointer ready for another round of quixotic chasing the cat looked at me, issued a cough that sounded like an effeminate Gollum, and collapsed onto the floor. Tongue lolling out, heaving rasping breathing. Eyes bright and panic-stricken, he looked like he was heaving his last breath.

He lay there for another 5 minutes, barely moving. Then he got up and sauntered over to his food bowl. The little shit couldn't have looked more insouciant if he was sipping on a martini.
(Light, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 20:58, 4 replies)

I used to do that as a child
with a piece of string while sitting in the middle of the floor. I would twirl the thing around me so the end dragged on the carpet and the cat would run in circles around me. If I was watching TV I would do it until he dropped on his side, his little pink tongue hanging out and moving like you see in cartoons. Ten minutes later the crazy little bastard would be back for more.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 6 Dec 2007, 21:05, closed)

Alternative setup
Also works very well with the following:

- A large sheet of flexible hardboard (the sort with one smooth side)
- A laser pointer
- Several kittens (8 weeks+)

Place the board against a wall so it bends in the middle, such that the bottom is nearly horizontal on the floor, and the top is nearly vertical.

Wave the pointer around at a point on the board slightly above where a kitten would lose traction.

Add kittens.

They will happily charge across the room, up the board, and slide down again most comically. With practice, you can get three or four of them in a sort of loop.

It's worth it just for the look of gratitude you get from the kittens' mother for the 10 minutes of peace and quiet.
(Photon wasting your time since, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 21:48, closed)

yep
We go the extra mile and create some sort of personality for the laser splodge - easily done - just wizz the beam up to a cushion, door, etc, something that a mouse etc could hide behind, slowly draw the beam to that place and then switch it off.. cat thinks the beam creature is 'hiding' behind said cushion and is transfixed. But yep, top value entertainment.
(Countryslicker, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 11:09, closed)

I love doing this.
Pointer + cat + polished floor.

Get the cat running after it, then rapidly zigzag the dot; the cat will scrabble side to side in an odd way as it runs along trying to get it.

Also, put the dot on the top of their paw when they pounce for it. That confuses them no end!
(Musuko, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 13:50, closed)