Accidental animal crueltyI once invented a brilliant game - I'd sit at the top of the stairs and throw cat biscuits to the bottom. My cat would eat them, then I'd shake the box, and he would run up the stairs for more biscuits. Then - of course - I'd throw a biscuit back down to the bottom. I kept this going for about half an hour, amused at my little game, and all was fine until the cat vomited. I felt absolutely dreadful.
Have you accidentally been cruel to an animal?
This question has been revived from way, way, way back on the b3ta messageboard when it was all fields round here.
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rob, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 11:13)
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Disco Dancing DoggyThis is a tale I pulled from the British Army Rumor Service. To save you reading the whole thing, this guy is a dog handler and had just returned, with his dog, from a successful operation and was in the local bar getting pissed. The rest is in his words....
Cheers
Legless
I don't know how this particular conversation started with one of the RE's ,but the upshot was,
''Of coursh ma frucking' dug can dansh, whashrish ?' and calling the dog over says,
'Dishco danshing shtime boy !'
His wee face would light up and he'd stand with his arrse towards me. I'd reach under him, gripp his knob and gave him a vigerous merchant bank. Once I'd got him started you could let him go and he'd dance around in a circle, ears back, look of oblivious bliss on his face and pump his hips back and forward like a piston !!
'HOORAY !! GO FOR IT STUMPY !!!!!' cheered the boys. And he would. The wee fcuker could get such a tempo going that, after a few seconds ...WOOF !!!..he'd come his duff over the floor to louder cheers of 'FCUKING YEAH, HOORAY, WOOPDY DO etc.'
Having finished his performance Stumpy would give his deposit a wee sniff, look round at the admiring faces and then, usually to cries of
'OOOOEEEUUURRRGGGGHHH !!!' he'd lick the whole fcuking lot up of the floor !!
Aye, he was the star turn that night, the only problem was that for the rest of thier tour, if I did'ny watch the fcukers, these Engineer cnuts would fire the wee twat up and have him bopping all over the place at every oppertunity and he'd be no more inclinded to work that fly in the air afterwards. The remainer of the tour was puncuated with,
'WHO'S BEEN WANKING THE FACKING DOG AGAIN !!!!'
and,
'STOP MOLESTING THE FACKING HOUND YA PERVS !!!'
Facking Engineers ? Facking perverts !!
The dog ? He loved it. Facking tart !!!
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Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 10:11,
4 replies)
The Legend of StumpyOne of arrse's all time classic threads.
(PS Rumor? Are you going native or something?)
(, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 10:23, closed)
Gives a whole new meaning to the term "Dog Handler" :)I saw a lesbian romp porn film once, that involved them abusing a dog in the middle of it. The dog wanted nothing to do with this........at first. That was until they started jerking him off. He was game for anything after that :)
The missus thought she'd taped "Neighbours".
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Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 10:59,
closed)
Dog Handler?That made me LOL - and how the fuck I missed using that glaringly obvious pun I can only put down to alcohol.
As for "going native"? If you mean staying down hwere in Oz then yeah. A continent full of pisheads and convicts? - I fit right in....
Cheers
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Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 7 Dec 2007, 12:30,
closed)
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