Black Bear attack (Short Version - really) Story gets much longer after a couple of beers...
Out on a weekend walk with my girlfriend in Northern Canada we came across a black bear in a field eating blueberries. I wanted to be brave and impress her so I picked up a rock and threw it at the bear while yelling at it to run away. I hit it square between the eyes and it came running at us and was really pissed off!
I turned to run and my girlfriend was already long-gone! (She was a fast one...) I ran for about a minute before I turned around to see if he was there and he was right on my ass! I turned off the path and ran through the woods until I tripped over a log and landed flat on my face. I was bleeding pretty good and decided to play dead.
The bear climbed on top of me and started licking my legs that were cut up pretty badly. He kept pawing at me and trying to roll me over. When I thought he was finally gone I rolled over onto my back and there I was nose to nose with a 275-325lb black bear! I was scared as hell and started yelling at the bear calling it all kinds of nasty names then I picked up a stick and beat him on the end of the nose with it whenever he got close enough to reach. He just kept circling and making barking noises.
Meanwhile my girlfriend ran back to the camp we were staying at, ran into the washroom and locked the door behind her and hid under the sink crying until her mom finally coaxed her out of the bathroom and asked her what happened. She told her I was being eaten by a bear. Then she hid back under the bathroom sink...
Back to the bear... I saw a guy walking down the path and called to him. I said I couldn't walk and there was a bear standing on me. He laughed and came into the woods looking for me. He saw the bear and ran off screaming in the other direction. The bear stank like garbage and kept circling, swatting at me and barking. I kept beating him on the end of the nose with a stick and yelling every obscenity I could think of at him! I was even making shit up and yelling it because I was a little delusional and scared... example: "Great! Now I'm gonna have facial scars and walk with a limp and have a hard time getting laid you f@&*#k'n pecker knocker! Come get some more!" - You know..., shit like that.
About 15 minutes later the guy from the path came back with a big dog and chased the bear away. The whole thing lasted 30-35 minutes.
He helped me back to our camp where I found my girlfriend still crying in the bathroom and telling everyone it was the scariest thing that ever happened to her! She wasn't even there for any of it. I ended up trying to console her for the rest of the night. She cried a lot.
I never did get laid that weekend...
( CaptainKirk, Thu 2 Jun 2005, 20:17, Reply)