bloody cows
Yesterday me and my sister were walking through our local fields (country bumpkins we be) and she thinks it is a "good idea" to take a shortcut through a certain field so we get home quicker and she can eat her tea. So for once, I listen to her and hippity-hop over a stile into a deceptively empty-looking field.
Next thing I know a line of cows, with horns, appear on the horizon and start heading for us. My sister immediatly turns around and does a gay little girl-run back onto the path. Now I'm already halfway across the field so choose to keep walking, thinking if I keep my back to them they won't chase me.
Wrong wrong wrong. They all start running. With their heads down. Not looking like they're just coming to say "Hello".
So I try another tack - turning around and yelling incomprehensible bollocks at them whilst pointing and waving. Hoping to scare them off. Bear in mind I'm a small blonde girl and these are really fat fucking cows. I'm sure the ginger one sneered at me as it aimed it horns at my head and accelerated.

I had to do a comedy dive into a hedge then sprint out of the field in a very undignified manner whilst my sister and a random farmer laughed from behind the safety of a wall. Bastards. The farmer even had the cheek to say "They won't 'urt ya, luv". A stampede of about twenty bulls, horns lowered, wouldn't hurt me.

Stupid no-brain grass-chewing arsehole of a farmer.
(mrmistoffeles, Fri 3 Jun 2005, 16:52, Reply)