Cows, Squirels, Chickens and imaginary monkeys
When I was about eight I was taking the dog for a walk in a nearby field with my Dad. We had got halfway across the field when from out of nowhere (Well okay, it was from out of the adjacent field, but the concept of cows materialising out of nothingness is quite amusing) came a cow, which began to charge towards us. (Yes, I know Bulls are more traditional) My Dad grabbed a branch, peresumably to beat off the cow, while I ran for the gate, which seemed bloody far away to my little legs. I'm still not sure what to feel about the image of my Dad 'heroicly' wielding a stick at charging cattle. Still, I'm even more disturbed by the memory that I somehow managed to write about this in an English SATs exam when I was thirteen.

I have also attracted the unfavourable attentions of a squirrel, which decided that my head was good target practice. I was quite bemused to be hit in the head with an old apple core (I know they traditionaly through nuts, but as my bovine attacket was also 'nut' free I'm noticing a trend.) even more so when I noticed the prepatrator looking own on me from a tree above.

Going back a bit more now I have just also remembered being attacked by a chicken. (Again 'nut' free) I was tiny at the time and they had come into our garden from nextdoor. My mum suggested I go out and play with them. I can't remember the attack itself, but I do remember sitting on my Dad's knee and being fed Smarties. I later peretended I was a pirate thanks to my black eye (I was slightly confused there I think.) Infact, looking back I was close to actually loosing an eye there.

The monkey was going to appear here, but then I remembered the chicken. As the monkey was imaginary and thus didn't do any damage outside physchological and a fear of walldrobes I will leave it out in favour of the chicken, leaving tasty morsels here to make the story sound more interesting than it actually was.
(JamesG, Sat 4 Jun 2005, 23:56, Reply)