Incy Wincy
Lying in bed, scratching me plums, I noticed an annoying tickly itch on my shin. Whipping back the covers, there was this large, scowling house spider crawling up my leg, making a determined effort to hog-tie me and store my still twitching corpse in its evil web.

I jumped out of my pit, threw the eight-legged menace to the floor and tried to give him his just desserts - the discipline of the carpet slipper.

My attempts to stamp on the hairy little bastard were to no avail. It was too good for me, and in a one-sided battle twixt man and beast, the little fucker ran up my pyjama leg and made a bee-line for my pods, the one place it knew I couldn't thwack it with footwear.

I was forced to strip naked in a blind panic, and shoo the thing away from my manhood with a rolled-up magazine, before scooping it up and chucking it out of the window.

All this time, Mrs Duck was standing on a chair like Tom and Jerry's Mammy Two Shoes screaming "Don't let it near me! Don't let it near me!" Which was nice of her, because it was only after my bits after all.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 6 Jun 2005, 10:18, Reply)