He's a veritable annoyance at times
Very well, he's a respected figure in society and has doubtless saved many lives and rescued countless innocents from exploitation, not to mention saved thousands upon thousands of pounds.

Yet I must say, though it pains me and fills me with guilt to do so, that he can be most - vexatious, is the polite word. Worst of all are his mood swings. Days and days and even weeks of torpor, and suddenly all manic activity and rushing about and dragging me along to the back end of beyond or some vile den of iniquity.

Consequent to this I can go months and months without hearing from him and then all of a sudden receive a telegram requesting my urgent and immediate attendance! It is not as if I do not have my own vocation - quite the opposite - I am as respected and valued in my field as he is in his.

He can also be extremely patronising. Granted, his intelligence is superior to most of the rest of the human race, myself included - but I am no idiot, though he often treats me as one by teasing me with riddles and condescendingly congratulating me when I have myself come to a conclusion he has already reached himself.

I'm not even going to start in his predilection for various harmful and addictive substances.

I often honestly wonder why I keep up my acquaintance with him, and the truth is that life would be extremely dull without him, so I must brace myself and put up with his peccadilloes.

Sometimes, though, just sometimes...

But hush I have said enough. I'd better not sign this under my real name in case he finds out... oh who am I joshing, he's going to find out anyway but if I just initial it I can at least have the comfort of plausible deniability.

Yours,

JW
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 16:17, 10 replies)

I was stumped for a while
But once I eliminated the impossible, whatever remained, however improbable, was the truth
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 16:23, closed)

it was
elementary
(Thebigfella, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 16:40, closed)

It was too bloody early in the week.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 16:52, closed)

tell him he's not as clever as his brother
that should piss on his chips
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 18:41, closed)

Thank you Sir
That indeed should wipe the smug smile off of his aquiline features.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 22:01, closed)

That word
Immediately makes me think of a jizzstache
(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 8:24, closed)

The first line had me flicking to the last to find the punchline.
But at least I had to think for a few seconds to get it.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 8:27, closed)

.
He is a bloody junkie though...
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:57, closed)

The only place I normally ever hear the word "veritable" is before the word "smorgasbord".

Why are the two so inextricably linked?

Why do we have to imply that out smorgasbords are so good that they can be verified and stamped by a smorgasbord expert?
(Stiltzkin, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 16:25, closed)

Never mind Hugh, we love you nearly as much as we love Stephen.
(johnson, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 21:48, closed)