The post below this reminded me of this
We had a French, French teacher student teaching in our school for a while. I'm sure she used to wonder why we needed so much paper in our class.

"Please Miss, can I have another shit of paper"
"Miss, can I take a shit as well?"
"Miss, I need a shit really bad"
"Miss, can I take a shit on your desk?"

Each reply was 'Yes, yes of course!"
(BeardyMat, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 23:28, 4 replies)

"Piss on you too you bloody vicar - I'mma no go to England ever again-a."

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 10:19, closed)

We had a maths teacher
Who 'shpoke with a lishp jusht like Sschawn Connery' although he had a Yorkshire accent not a 'Shcottish one'. We used to walk in, stand behind our desks then he would say "Shit down everybody!" it used to crack us up every time ( Well we were only 11 for god's sake )
(Mackeson_drinker, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 14:57, closed)

We had a Mr Novwotny for Technical Drawing (or in his own words "Technicaw Drawink").

He too used to say "shit of paper" and eventually cottoned on as to why we giggled!

The trouble was that "piss of paper" was hardly an improvement!!!
( Vambo, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:23, closed)

I was taught English by Mary Fitzgerald, daughter of the then Taoiseach. She had a very deep voice and a strong Irish accent.
One day Mary opened Paradise Lost and instructed us to turn to 'Book de Turd'.
Someone asked 'The Fourth, Mary?' to which she replied 'No, de Turd!'

'The second book?'
'No, de Turd! De Turd!'

After that, there was a weekly competition to see who could get her to shout 'Turd!' at them.

I don't think she ever cottoned on, unless she was just playing along.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 19:46, closed)