Just going to put something down on paper.
So, one of my very good friends is the middle child of three. His brother, R is a few years older than him (perhaps 3), and his parents are pretty laid back, and enjoy an active social life. Thusly he and his younger sister would often be left at the mercy of R.

Since my friend is a fair bit larger than R, standard levels of older brother physical aggression died out pretty quickly after he realised he could no longer guarantee inflicting pain with no response. His solution? Well, I could scarcely believe this when my mate told me.

Walking into the kitchen to fix himself a chocolate milk, he spies his brother, head poking out of the toilet door, grinning like a madman.

'What do you want, idiothead*'

'Got something for ya!'

Emitting a kind of low-pitched monotone monkey-laugh, R emerges holding a piece of toilet paper covered in his own** shit, and proceeds to chase his younger brother around the house (their downstairs forms a 'loop' through the living room and dining room, so I can only imagine some kind of Benny Hill scenario) with deadly purpose, shouting 'i'm going to put it on you'.

As worrying as this undoubtedly is (and R is the 'normal' one of the 3), upon further questioning, it reveals deeper layers of perverse malice. It's almost more understandable to write this off as some kind of temporary insanity, however, at some point during his shit, R must have thought, 'I know. I'll fucking put this shit on him.' and set aside a piece of toilet paper on the side, covered in shit, then finished wiping his arse, then picked it up again. This was a Minority Report 'Brown Ball' as it were.

He escaped unsullied, you'll be glad to hear, by running out of the house and most of the way down the street.

*Poetic license

**I assume
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 15:11, 2 replies)

I like 'idiothead'
Also 'idiothole' (c) Adam and Joe.
(Dermot O'Logical, Fri 29 Oct 2010, 14:16, closed)

Clicked
for "Brown Ball"
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Sat 30 Oct 2010, 3:50, closed)