THE CUNT HE WAS
Warning long and true story ahead…………….

When I bought my first home, the finance story for my wife and I was income solid but, savings poor. With our just less than 5% deposit I called a good mate of mine (so good we had shared a flat then a house together for 2 years 5 years prior). He worked for a bank that most Aussie will know as “which bank” as a lending officer handling home loans. I explained to Barney (for that was what we called the long streak of pelican shit) on the phone the situation and arranged to see him at his branch the next day. My wife and I both dogged a few hours off work to drive from separate locations from the City to God forsaken Ermington (across town where the roads and traffic are shite, and bugger all express ways).

We sat down at his desk in the legal loan sharking emporium masquerading as an open plan bank foyer and covered off again the stuff we talked about on the phone in regards to arranging our finance. We gave him our payslips and rent receipts etc etc, filled in the forms and talked about the house we where trying to buy. After our deposit was taken out the loan would have been with in easy payment for the two of us. We could easily have stood a 5% rate rise.

After 20 or so minutes, Barney shuffled the papers, tidied them up, put them in a folder and without consulting anyone he told us, his bank wouldn’t be able to give us a loan as we didn’t have all the runs on the board that where needed to qualify.

THE CUNT HE WAS

Both our jaws dropped and we shuffled out of the bank a little hurt that in a time when banks where apparently giving away money to unemployed single mothers with drug issues my mate (who had a good say in who got the money) at the bank that we had used together for 5 years with all our joint solvent accounts had told us to tell our story walking.

3 days later, after the shame of the first bank initiated nut kicking episode, while walking in a shopping centre on a Saturday morning, we came across a newly merged building society with built in insurance company and a newly formed and funded wealth management sort of business on the side. The only reason that we picked them was that they where the only bank open on a Saturday morning in our immediate vicinity. The chick in the bank was pretty cool and reckoned she could get us a loan if we had a few more grand in our deposit but our savings and rent payment demonstrate willingness to pay the loan and consistent history of reliability. So SJ (the missus) and I raced over to my parents place and fast talked them into a few extra brass razoos to let us buy the house, and because they are the most sublime of parents they chucked in what was needed and we went back to the bank with a freshly cut cheque.

By Tuesday the loan was approved and we lived in that house for 2½ years and only moved when a work transfer to Brisbane came up.

The other thing about his story is I am pretty sure our mate made a horrendous mistake knocking us back. His bank was so pissed off they made a hostile take of our new bank for all of the shares and of course our loan. Which they honoured in full to the agreement we made to get a cheaper interest rate for the term of the loan against the variable rate, they continued the discount in to the subsequent two more home loans we had with “which bank” (we moved and bought a bit bigger place for the kids to fit in, not bought more houses).

When the bank completed the merger Barney, the limpet tight, tight arse ex mate was made redundant.

THE CUNT HE WAS

Once the two companies where stitched together I reckon they found out the lazy feline rapist had been doing nothing for the last 10 years and kicked him out the door. In the long run this also reinforced how important my business was to the bank when he was hired by the main competing bank obviously in an attempt to get their hands on my accounts.
If that day ever comes when I sign up with the competition I can guarantee you I will be checking who is taking the loan application………. THE CUNT HE WAS
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 15:51, Reply)