The tale from the other side.
When I were a wee nipper (about five years ago when I was 21) I got myself a job at a bank after university.

It was at a 香港 based bank. I was on the business executive team. This meant basically sales. I was a call monkey. Anyway, basically you were paid peanuts for doing the bread and butter stuff like setting up standing orders and providing account balances for people who basically have hands that are too fat and fingers that are too distended to use a keyboard and the internet.

The bonus money was in leads. If you could present people a choice and get them to ‘explore their borrowing needs’, then transfer them to the people who had a half an hour extra training, then you got a percentage cut of the interest in the capital that they borrowed. If it were for a mortgage then it was the same deal but obviously a bit more.

For setting up business accounts, you could get a cut if you set up a meeting between the clients and the specialist advisors in the branches as you provided the lead.

Basically you could earn xx times your monthly salary if you went about this in a businesslike and no nonsense fashion. There were no caps because clearly they wanted you to go mental. This sort of behaviour, on a multiplied microscopic level, obviously causes the banking crisis. But I was desperate for cash to pay of my humongous overdraft and the base salary was minimum wage.

So some foreign dude calls up and speaks to me. He wants to set up an account. He can’t give me his exact address or UK postcode because he doesn’t know it properly. He is from Dubai. He wants to deposit £100 Million pounds. I freak out because he wants all sorts of financial caboodle to go with it. I will get a percentage of this.

The system won’t let me set up his details as I can’t get the postcode to match the number he has given me. We have communication issues. He says he will just go down to his local HSBC bank. In Canary Wharf. I lose the lead.

He then hangs up.

Then I realise that I am a cunt for working in a money making arm of a bank. Now I work in a cat litter manufacturing plant testing for wee absorption.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:07, 1 reply)

YOu know what I think?
It was just a wind up by some poor sod who had had enough of bank call centres. Some b3tan getting some revenge.

Clickz for the pictograms.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 5:05, closed)