Cashpoint antics
Something happened a while back that I thought was impossible. It was relatively late in the evening (9.30pm ish?) and I needed some cash. So over I pop to my local Lloyds TSB in Bristol, and happily throw my card into the ATM. The machine swiftly accepts the card into its innards and I go about punching in my pin upon request. All seems to be going smoothly when it asks me how much I'd like to withdraw. "What the heck, £30 please!" I think to myself, and touch the relevant button for that quantity of cash. What happens next however, is not all to plan.

The machine just sat there, doing nothing. I waited. And waited. And waited. I looked at my watch. At least a minute's passed. Finally the screen changes on the machine to say "please take your card", and then promptly SPITS OUT SOMEONE ELSE'S CARD. It then goes back to its default screen. The bastard has not only swallowed my card, but also not given me any cash!

"It's ok," I think to myself, "I'll just do without a fourth, fifth and sixth pint this evening and dinner is overrated anyway. It's probably just messed up and the money never got sent though. I'll sort this in the morning. I guess they're lucky I'm not into thieving cards..." And home I headed.

So the next morning I trundle down to HSBC to cancel my card, which all goes fine and dandy. But there's a problem. The cash machine up the road actually CHARGED ME £30 for it's little 'hiccup' the night before. Naturally I didn't take this too well. The HSBC manager went with me the few doors up to Lloyds to explain what had gone one and to tell them their machine was fucked, to be greeted with "well it's working fine this morning, are you sure you entered your pin correctly?"

YES I FUCKING ENTERED MY PIN CORRECTLY YOU DAFT COW, HOW ELSE DID YOUR FUCKING MACHINE CHARGE ME THIRTY FUCKING QUID?! HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT A FUCKING WORKING ATM GAVE ME SOMEONE ELSE'S CARD?!

At least the Lloyds people were grateful that I returned the other person's card. HSBC refunded me the money and I got a new card that looks way cooler than the old one. But still.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 10:40, 2 replies)

doubt
"...YES I FUCKING ENTERED MY PIN CORRECTLY YOU DAFT COW..."

I get the feeling that no-one is actually saying these things. I suspect that people are saying things like 'Terribly sorry', 'It's no problem, really', 'I don't mean to be a bother', 'These things happen' &c. &c.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 2:46, closed)

Well of course I didn't say that, Jesus....
that's why it's not in speech marks. Though I was certainly thinking something similar at the time.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 10:06, closed)