I don't have a story
But I do have a song about something which inspires more masturbation than any other single cause. No matter how bad things get with recessions and double dips and feeling skint, it's alwasy possible to get some free entertainment.

To the tune of "Food Glorious Food", from Lionel Bart's "Oliver!".

Is it worth the working for?
If I live 'til eighty four
All I ever get is tax bills!
Ev'ry day I say a prayer --
Will I find the cupboard bare?
Still I get the same old tax bills!
There is not a groat, not a penny I can find,
Can I beg, can I borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop me from getting a thrill
When I just close my eyes and imag...ine

Boobs! Glorious boobs!
Hot women are mustard!
Now I’m in the mood --
I’m getting all flustered!
Filthy pillows and low-cut tops
What next is the question?
Standing out like organ stops
I’ve got an…

Boobs, glorious boobs!
I’m anxious to try ‘em.
Just shout out “wahey!” --
And from brassieres pry ‘em

Just picture a great big rack --
Pert, medium or huge
Oh, boobs,
Wonderful boobs,
Marvellous boobs,
Glorious boobs.

Boobs, glorious boobs!
Don't care what they looks like --
Small! Oversized! Crude!
Don't care what the cup’s like.
Just thinking of ladybumps --
My senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
D-Cup feeling!

Boobs, glorious boobs!
They’re why we invented computers!
I waste six hours a day
Surfing pictures of hooters!
What is it I Google for?
What fills my search history?
Hours of looking for, that
Female mystery!

Boobs, glorious boobs!
What wouldn't I give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that I live for
Why should I be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On boobs,
Magical boobs,
Wonderful boobs,
Marvellous boobs,
Fabulous boobs,
Beautiful boobs,
Glorious boobs!

*Phew*

I think I need to get out more.
(davywavy, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)