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This is a question Bastard Colleagues

You've all known one. The brown-nosing fucker, the 'comedian', the drunk, the gossip and of course the weird one with no mates who goes bell ringing, looks like Mr Majika and sports a monk's haircut (and is a woman).

Tell us about yours...

Thanks to Deskbound for the idea

(, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:09)
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Having worked as a chef for years i've met so many drug addicts, losers and people who have a chronic fear of washing, to be honest i nearly cried sometimes at the state of chefs the agencies sent me. (and no it wasn't the onions)

One lad we had as a commis chef we called tyson, mainly because he cried a lot, he looked like a dirty dwarf and no matter how many times you made him wash there was always a thin layer of mud on him.

Tyson was a man who would grass you up to the manager for anything, some of you may know there are times in kitchens when theres fuck all to do and so you have to make your own entertainment such as throwing knives, deep fat frying the weekly rota or locking the kitchen porter in the deep freezer, (ah happy days)
but every time tyson was on shift he would weasel off to the owner and say that we were not working or other such snideities. Tyson was also the laziest shit this side of the equator and frequently called in sick and let us down.

A plan was hatched......

We got the master keys for his locker and placed a pigs head in it staring out and drew pentagrams inside, after that the head chef borrowed the restaurant amp,speakers and microphone and we hid them under the kitchen sides and put one in the pastry bin,
finally we altered tysons rota so he was working a late on his own.

The good thing about this particular kitchen was that its two floors under ground and a very lonely place when you are by yourself.

When tyson started work that evening we had the whole brigade of chefs hidden round the kitchen some in the pastry room and laundry pile some in the potwash (big kitchen) and as we got one of the chefs "jaws" as he was affectionately known to make very quiet mewing and crying noises into the microphone, we could see tyson's expression going from puzzled to worried and he was getting more edgy, looking around and checking to see where the noises came from, as the evening progressed jaws started to whisper jumbled words very quietly into the amp, tyson at this point had - had enough and packed the kitchen up early forgetting to clean properly (as usual) and went in to the side room to change.

All hell broke lose as he opened his locker, he screamed and ran full pelt to the main stairs of the restaurant, he slipped as he was running
cracking his head on one of the metal prep tables and was out cold, we quickly disposed of the pigs head and cleaned the pentagram off and managed to raise tyson who was a gibbering wreck, we stated we were up in the bar when we heard the scream and tyson fell hook line and sinker, strangely enough and to no-ones regret tyson handed in his notice the next day and got a job in maccy D,s from what i remember.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:26, Reply)

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