Evil Horrible Bastard Man
A company I used to work for employed a number of home-based consultants. They were all lovely and amiable apart from one who I will call A. There's always one isn't there?

A was never the easiest chap to get on with - brusque on the phone, talked down to us girls in the office cos we were girls, etc etc. But that was ok, we could cope with that.

Then one day our boss noticed a discrepancy in A's monthly report i.e. he'd said he'd done something on a certain date when in fact he hadn't.

So our boss being a good boss asked him to explain, in a friendly "Oops! did you make a mistake here?" kind of way.

And A responded as a can of petrol to a match. He accused of our boss, who I will call Steve, of micro-managing him, of racial harrassment (he was Welsh!), and bullying.

This was just for starters. Over the next six months or so the relationship deteriorated so much that
a. Steve couldn't actually speak to A.
b. He had about five official complaints against Steve.

When the official complaints were investigated and proved to be bollocks, A then filed several more complaints about the staff who had investigated the original complaints. He then refused to
a. Work anywhere near the M25
b. Start work before 9am, which in his mind meant he would start his journey to whichever client he was visiting at 9am, which meant he was doing one two-hour visit a day instead of three.

By then, such was A's tirade of complaints of racial harrassment, salary discrepancies and all the other crap had reached such heights that not only did our manager have seven official complaints against him, but so did the finance director, the managing director, the head of the department managing the original complaints, his assistant, and me.

Yes, me!

I had had the unfortunate duty of being responsible for keeping the key to his new company car. He came into the office, grunted, snatched it off me, and went.

Two minutes later there was a call and it was A complaining that his new car was overdue a service by some 7,000 miles. I politely tried to point out that it wasn't. But A is never wrong, so he yelled at me. A lot.

So I complained about him, in a nice "I don't come to work to be yelled at, it wasn't nice, please do something" kind of way, so they did. They wrote him a letter along the lines of "Dear A, happylittletulip says you yelled at her. Is she right? If so, we would very much like to hear your views and response."

A day later a two-page fax listing all my shortcomings as an employee, colleague, and person spilled out of the fax in front of everyone. It wasn't nice. It wasn't pretty. I might have cried a bit. My boss took it off me and said Don't Worry, We'll Deal With It.

I might have done so, had I not received, a mere three days later, a letter from A saying that he was claiming a five-figure sum from me personally for defamation of character and libel and god knows what else, running over his puppies probably. I handed this to my boss and went home all white and shaking and had to eat maltesers for about two hours to calm myself down.

The company responded to his letter on my behalf in no uncertain terms. "Dear A, you're talking bollocks and harrassing happylittletulip, stop it or we'll get you." This, I thought, would be the end.

But no. The next week I received another letter from A saying that, due to the malicious and unfounded reports I had made about him in response to his previous letter, he was now demanding another sum of money, twice as much as the first one, again for libel and murder and fraud and other heinous deeds I had probably committed against him due to my criminal and malicious nature. Again I handed this to my boss and ate maltesers to try to stop shaking.

By now mr happylittetulip had noticed all was not well, possibly due to the lack of maltesers but probably because I spent most mornings quivering under the duvet and sobbing "Don't make me go to work, I won't do it, you can't make me" and rocking backwards and forwards. Once I told him the whole story I had to confiscate his car keys to stop him driving to A's house and killing him to death.

By now you are probably wondering why A hadn't been sacked. "This is crazy!" you are thinking, and you're right. But the reason he hadn't been sacked is that the company we worked for specialised in employment law, and they were terrified of being sued for constructive dismissal.

So they let it go to tribunal, or rather, three tribunal cases by the time it came round. We waited a whole year, by which time I was working elsewhere. The morning of the tribunal arrived. I was champing at the bit to say my bit against this twunt who had decided he wanted to ruin my life because I protested when he yelled at me. (I mean, who has a spare hundred grand or so knocking around when they're in their twenties?).

We got to court.

The atmosphere was serious and tense, like a pair of black pants with too-tight elastic.

We all met beforehand in the waiting room.

A caught my eye and I returned his gaze with daggers of steel. Unfortunately the daggers were imaginary ones and did no harm.

The chairman of the tribunal arrived.

A approached the bench and... WITHDREW all his claims. And so we all went home for tea and buns.

What a knob.

*Apologises for length and hopes the girth made up for it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 15:52, 8 replies)

what a complete cunt
I feel for you and any maltesers in your vicinity.

the least the bastard could have done is to take some responsibility for all his shite.

that makes my blood boil
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 15:56, closed)

Fuck it, name him
and ideally post a phone number too. what a COCK!
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 16:00, closed)

Why oh why
did you not give mr happylittetulip the address of the twat. Then he could have killed him. Killed him till he died!
(DarkHarlequin putting babies on spikes since, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 16:10, closed)

Happylittletulip 1, Twat 0
Good result.

And good phrase "The atmosphere was serious and tense, like a pair of black pants with too-tight elastic". While never having worn ladies garments (except as rather fetching head-gear) I know what you mean...

Chelmsford Crown Court,they rather foolishly put me (main prosecution witness)in the same waiting room as the defendant who had got me sacked by being a theiving Spanish scrote.

When I was told I wasn't needed as he had put his hand up for a lesser charge and had got a minor fine, I got a little ummm testy.

The nice policeman was quite understanding as I was removed.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 16:35, closed)

CLICK
for future reference: eye daggers are not as effective as invisible laser beams (which do no harm or damage)
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 17:05, closed)

These things are meant to try us...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger etc...

blah fucking blah

BOLLOCKS!

Say the word and I'll be round with a box of Maltesers, you can give me the shitstick's name and address and I'll go round there and drop the nut on the fucker!

People like that leave my cheese out in the wind.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 25 Jan 2008, 17:25, closed)

Sadly
all these stupid HR policies and practices rely on most people being normal, balanced individuals who occasionally need repointing in the right direction.

Unfortunately the workplace (and world at large) is filled with unhinged dickfucks who play the system for everything they can making everyone else's life a misery.

I wish I had a good answer for you but I don't - at least the cuntflap is no longer there!
( dan j the filthy bastard, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 17:29, closed)

Crikey.
Somehow, offering a click and reassurances that this is the winning post seems... well... paltry.

What an ass-hat.

Welcome back, by the way. I was on the verge of gazzing you to see where you'd got to...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 19:55, closed)