Here be a story.. so be comfy and pull up a kitten.
Once upon a time, there used to be a Evil Witch (TM). And this Evil Witch was the very spawn of Satan. It was told, in tales of old, that the Evil Witch was in fact SO EVIL, that even Satan will bow down to her.

This woman, and I use the word in the most polite way, was just simply MAD.
Not crazy as a shit house rat MAD, just EVIL MAD.

We shall indeed use names that are changed to protect forth from EVIL, as that is the TERROR that she dripped from every pore.

Sod it, I'll just use abbreieviate.

K, in all her crazyness was simply disliked. She had been with the firm for many a year, working in various departments. She has also slept with various persons from the aforementioned departments in some strange ritual, that can only be described as "slaggery".

She was thought of than less than the poor lad who would sit crossed legged in assembly with freshly trod in dog shit on his shoes - in fact, I would rather work with freshly laid dog egg in my office that have to even talk to her.

There are many words that have been used to describe "K", and oh dear, poor readers, I cannot tell you some, as they would simply render you immediately to an immediate and medically justified dose of Mind Bleach.

"K" is a Evil Witch of such self importance, such stuck up her own arse, but having the illusion of having from behind, an average to reasonable figure, but from infront, Good Lord and Jesus Himself Protect Us, the face of Medusa herself, thought she was a stunner.

Nope, sorry "K", you are just a common whore.

In my previous incarnation as an IT Manager however, it came to light that after she had managed to somehoo start boning the MD, she thought she was INDESTRUCTABLE. Think drinking from the Holy Grail style of INDESTRUCTABLE.

She was moved from position to position within the company, and somehow managed to attain one of the biggest offices from which two of the wonderful ladies had been ousted from. She now has an office bigger than the MD's. OH MY WORD.

Her style of evilness was of sometimes simple "I'll have you sacked" to actual verbal and physical attacks. I don't think I'd have much face left if I hadn't jumped out the way when said door was slammed on me.

Even when I was dealing with disaster of worldwide proportion, eg, exchange server self imploding, she would decide that she would gain access code from MD and let herself into my server room, and berate me for not changing her printer toner, which she had emailed me about 10 minutes earlier.

Now, see above. Exchange has hung and its mid afternoon , no emails, but she claims that she SENT ME A FUCKING EMAIL EARLIER NOW COME AND CHANGE MY FUCKING TONER IVE GOT PAPERWORK TO PRINT OUT THATS FUCKING GOING TO EARN MILLIONS FOR THIS COMPANY YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Oh dear. I was also on the phone to one of the sales reps who did ACTUALLY need to send an email of urgency to a sales lass. He advised to tell the potty mouthed little so and so (NOT ACTUAL WORDS) to go away.

I indeed did tell "K" that I was unavailable, and in keeping with her language, told her in no uncertain terms to "Fuck off out of my server room you obnoxious little bitch".

Hence forth, the MD.

Did you read earlier, my lovely B3tans? He was nobbing her. I was then pulled from fixing a CRITICAL problem to fitting a toner.

Did I laugh when she printed a ONE (1) single page sales order QUOTE of about half a dozen plastic chairs?

No. She then went into a tirade of abuse because she couldn't send any emails and her holiday booking form was going to be late.

Her rescue came in the form of the MD.

He then also made forth with "do I like making females cry" when she starting blubbering about her holiday (booked during work time etc etc etc).

Oh dear. Tesco Quality is in the poo, and its over his miserable neck.

What saving grace does the one and only Tesco Quality have?
One simple fact of life.

MD - If I don't get this email system up and running, like, now, then we could have problems.
"Why"

"Erm, because we have just changed to an semi automated wage system of which the financial director gets sent and email of which contains a code, and he has to phone the bank back to confirm code, and funds are released to wages."

"Oh right, you better get on with it then."

"K" : "I can't believe this - hes treated me like shit and just because emails can't be sent you're letting him off".

Me... "Oh, K, knock it off will you. I've got a million more important jobs to do that changing your toner. Oh, hang on. Bollocks. I know! - How about I get on the tannoy and tell ***ALL*** employees that they aren't going to be paid because you wanted your toner changing?"

***Deathly Silence Ensues***

"K" - "Silence"
"MD" - "Erm, theres no need for that now, so, lets just get emails working again shall we?"

She has a large number of complaints against her, of which none were ever followed up. Some staff actually threatened legal action, and I still have the emails sent from her with language that would give even lorry drivers a heart attack.

I'm saving them for a rainy day.

And, on a final note - if you are shagging the MD, for god's sake, don't do it when there are contractors working in the car park fixing the fucking drains getting a eyeful - they AREN'T the most quietist of folk.......

Apologies for length? None at all, as mine is Ad Finitum.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 21:59, 1 reply)

There's something about men who refer to women as 'females'
that implies a certain amount of inadequacy with them, like they feel more comfortable in dealing with them in terms of scientific rather than social terms. I suppose when you think of it like that it makes a lot more sense that your MD got his thrills nobbing subordinates that made him feel powerful by running around begging favours from High and Mighty Manager Man.
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 0:23, closed)