Mr Spooge
I used to work with the lovely BobFossil in advertising sales for an opera magazine. Around this time last year we had the rather jammy opportunity of going to Paris for the weekend for an opera conference. Basically it was a big schmoozing opportunity - for us to try to persuade people to advertise in the magazine, and for PR people to suck up to the editor.

On the first day, one of the many people queuing up to schmooze with the editor was an enormously fat Austrian artist manager. He came up to BobFossil and addressed her breasts thus: “I must speak vith your editor, dead or alive, ja!” He then came and spoke to my breasts for a while too, much to my annoyance, especially since I’d been wondering all day if my top had been a little on the slutty side. Our boss informed us after he’d left that he’d booked a couple of ads a few years ago and never paid for them – he was definitely not getting any editorial.

The following day, we held a drinks party for our clients and any other lovely people we had met. The party was a great success. Everybody showed up and had a great time. But who should gatecrash? The very same enormously fat Austrian artist manager, who by then we had nicknamed Mr Spoogehauer, seeing as that's what his real name sounded a bit like. Unfortunately I got stuck with him for a while. The following conversation ensued…

Mr Spoogehauer: You are Jewish?
Me: Yes…
Mr Spoogehauer: I am also Jewish! You are a Jew! I am a Jew! Hello Jew!

He shook my hand very enthusiastically. Then one of my colleagues sidled over to us, perhaps to try and rescue me. Bear in mind that he had never spoken to her before…

Mr Spoogehauer: You are also Jewish?
My colleague: What?
Mr Spoogehauer: You are Jewish?
Colleague: No…
Mr Spoogehauer: Do you vish to be Jewish, ja?
Colleague: Um…well…it’s not something I’ve given that much thought to…
Mr Spoogehauer: You can become Jewish, you know!

We both decided that we desperately needed to go to the bathroom at that point. After he'd left, we renamed him The Spoogemeister and burned his business card - which, by the way, featured a truly hideous photo of him "So that you can remember me, ja!"

The following night there was a champagne reception at the Institute of Culture. The Institute of Culture overlooks the Louvre and it's all gilt and chandeliers...it was pretty sweet. But you can guess who we bumped into, right? The Spoogemeister by now had become just plain old Mr Spooge. BobFossil insisted on taking a photo of him and I together, after which he patted my arse and asked me if I had a boyfriend back home. I said YES. Later we decided that my imaginary boyfriend should be called Hank, weigh 300lbs and be a bouncer at Stringfellows.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 18:55, 8 replies)

Mr Spooge!
I'm actually very tempted to post that photo...you do look singularly unimpressed...
hehe...
xj
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 9:56, closed)

Post it!
We must see!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 10:22, closed)

Yeah
I'm in agreement with chickenlady. It already sounds like pure comedy gold.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Jan 2008, 10:30, closed)

alright
will try and dig it out from the musty recesses of my camera's memory...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 13:31, closed)

If my memory serves me correctly
I look as if I'm about to vomit in this photo.

By the way, Hank is going up in the world - he's now working at Spearmint Rhino.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 14:04, closed)

Spearmint Rhino?
Where next, Stringfellows itself? Then he can get thong-wearing tips from Peter S himself!

Yummy...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 10:20, closed)

You'll never guess what...
Mr Spooge has a new business card! Our unfortunate former editor had bumped into him again, so said card was passed round the pub last night to much amusement. He does look particularly dashing in his latest photo.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 13:05, closed)

Post it!
post it hard.
xj
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 13:19, closed)