Subspace
I used to be of the kinky variety....ropes, leather, masks, the usual stuff. Where I differ from a lot of people on this one is that my urges tended not to come from anything sexual, it went far deeper. I'm submissive, I got my kicks from relinquishing control, sometimes sex play a part in this more often it didn't.

My beautiful moment happened about a year ago, when I was having my first proper sessions with someone I trsuted deeply, and felt a great deal of affection for. the session progressed... the ropes went on... the hood went on...then I just, well, went. I was having my first experience of subspace, and it was so peaceful, quiet and beautiful. I wasn't there for very long as my then Dom started calling my name and coaxing me back. He had quite a job of it as I was reluctant to come back, which started to scare him after a while. I thought the whole thing had lasted about 10 minutes, but it turns out I was gone for about 90 minutes. For those 90 minutes I was free from everything, I had no concerns or responsibilities of any sort, I felt a peace I haven't felt before or since.

I've since taken a step back from the kinky world, the trip to subspace called a lot of things about my emotional state into question and opened up something of a Pandora's box. Up to this point I felt the need to stay so tightly in control of everything that I was in a constant state of anxiety, which I could only relieve in this extreme way, and my trip to subspace made me realise the good stuff that could happen when I let go a little. It made me realise that my need to be control had isolated and depressed me for sometime. With a lot of help (try explaining THAT to a counsellor) it took me about 6 difficult months to recover from it, but I'm in a far better place than I was when I submitted that night.

A life changing and beautiful experience
(Rubadubsub, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)