Do... Not... Move...
I'd recently started seeing a new girlfriend, and we were still at the "shagging at every reasonable opportunity and quite a few unreasonable ones" stage. Now, she had a 4-year-old daughter, so we had become adept at timing our encounters to match the duration of Teletubbies, for example*.

One fine morning, with the sun streaming through the windows we were enjoying a damn fine shag, when without warning her daughter bursts into the room. Luckily we were still under the covers; I was on top. Seeing us, frozen in horror and still balls-deep, the little poppet ran over, jumped onto my back and said "Let's play horsey!"

I remember thinking "If I move so much as a muscle, I'm probably committing a serious offence".

No nonce jokes, please - it was strictly the mother I was interested in. Mind you, the daughter is 17 now...


* I still get a chubby whenever I hear "Eh-Oh"...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:04, 5 replies)

I bet that one always gets a few laughs
around the christmas dinner table.

Click.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:40, closed)

Well I married someone else, so not so much
...especially since they know each other. Amusing stories of shags with the ex don't go over too well, for some reason.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:46, closed)

Jeez, tell me about it...
I didn't need to learn that lesson a...lessee...twelfth time.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 20:08, closed)

I was about to accuse you of lies,
as there's no way that Teletubbies was on the TV, 13 years ago.

Damn you, for making me realise how old and decrepit I am. Still, I shall console myself by calling you a nonce.

You nonce.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 19:41, closed)

Not me, officer
Though I certainly felt like one when I glanced at the pretty teenager, thought "Hm, cute" to myself, then glanced again and realised that it was the 17-year-old version of the 4-year-old that I used to be "surrogate daddy" to...

Just when you thought there were no more surprises in life, it goes and serves you up an emotion that you have no vocabulary to describe...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 11:10, closed)