Various
- I used to work with a bloke who honestly thought that water goes from the sea, up the rivers and into the mountains, rather than the other way round.

- Same bloke's girlfriend had only even eaten sweetcorn from a tin from M&S. He cooked her corn on the cob, with those little plastic handles poked in either end, and she thought they were part of it.

- A bimbo I used to know thought that anteaters don't exist except in Pink Panther cartoons.

- My dad thought the Blair Witch Project had something to do with Tony Blair.

- A colleague who thought that TGI Friday's only opened on Fridays. When on the news it was announced that the bloke who invented Red Bull had died, he said "Oh, I suppose that means they won't be making it any more."

- A woman who can cure pets for a small fee. You just ring her and tell her the symptoms, and she then goes into a darkened room and does something with crystals, and that then heals your pet, even from a distance. Sure beats taking it to the vet, and all that medication! What does the vet know, eh, after spending six years at veterinary college?
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Sun 2 Sep 2012, 22:17, 2 replies)

don't suggest that six years of university actually qualifies you for anything - that 'handful of scrabble letters' chap will burst a vein in his forehead... If you're really unlucky, he might even break out hilarious posh-person phonetic mis-spellings such as "yeenie" and "gep yah".

It's just not worth it.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 3 Sep 2012, 0:55, closed)

Strictly speaking . . .
Water does go from the sea to the mountains, but it takes a slightly different route to the one your mate thinks it does.
(username failed moderation, Mon 3 Sep 2012, 9:03, closed)