Pearoasty health problemy loosely related story
Hello folks. People may or may not remember back from the personal hygiene QOTW, my troubles with operations and the like.

My only really gross encounter with blood and it's skanky bodily relatives is when I was suffering from a few abcesses and cysts during the summer of 2007. Being a chap of large stature (read: fat cunt) and working in a warehouse, sweat having nowhere to go was an immense problem. This culminated in me having several cysts etc during that summer.

Incoming Pearosty bit, but it's roasted nicely.

I'd just been in hospital for 2 procedures, removal of a cyst on my thigh and the failed removal (NHS guys I love you to pieces, you kick ass 99% of the time, this was the 1%) of a pilonidal sinus, or for those not so schooled in lumps and bumps, an abscess in the top of my arsecrack caused by arse hair forming a nest under the skin due to an enlarged pore for some ungodly reason. I'd like to add at this point that to preserve my stitches, my personal hygiene wasn't great and I wasn't able to shower properly for the duration of my stitches.

Got even worse a week after this, armpit is slightly pongy and a bit sore, i ignore it. Go play a night of pool with the lads and come home with a lump in my armpit the size of a golf ball. Bit worried, go to bed.

Wake up in 4 hours time and wonder why I'm soaking wet, why my bedsheets around my arm are brown and why my arm hurts more than imaginable.

Turns out it was an abscess caused by a blocked sweat gland after not showering for a week and having problems there before. The bloody pus ridden monstrosity had burst while i was asleep, releasing pus and poison everywhere that smelt worse than rotting meat and was a little scary cos my oxter had made it...

The process they heal these with involves having a hole in your arm for around 2 weeks which is packed with stuff to absorb excess pus and arm curds and so that it heals from the bottom up so as not to create a void in my arm. Not cool, cue every 2 days, smelly old me going to hospital to have this changed and nearly choking on the smell of the crazy arm cheddar coming out of my pits.


I still to this day have some impressive scars from last summer. I had my pilonidal attacked again by my private surgeon, another abcess removed from my right armpit, one more from my left armpit and another from my inner thigh. The wonderous thing about still being a fat cunt is the fact that it's reoccuring at the moment.

I currently have a cyst that's inside the scars in my right armpit, another cyst on my inner thigh and one in my left armpit, but that ones only a baby.

Any medical betans about to give me health advice other than "Lose wait you fat cunt" would be great. I already wash in Hibiscrub and shower twice a day if I can.
(knifeh and Mrs Knifeh discovered radioactive bacon!, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 4:00, 6 replies)

you have my sympathy
I had three operations on a perianal abscess which finally developed into a fistula. After the last op I was given after-care ibstructions that had the filename analfist.doc

As for medical advice; shave the hair from anywhere you might get a problem.
(PatronSaintOfPancakeBreakfasts, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 5:16, closed)

Tea tree scrub
Honestly.

Tea tree oil contains a mild antiseptic agent.

Works a treat on all manner of minor skin infections and doesn't stink like the Thames to boot.
(Que?, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 8:16, closed)

Aside from the obvious
which you have already mentioned, you might like to try getting lightbulbs for your bedroom in two colours - namely red, and blue. Get low wattage, keep your room reasonably warm, and sleep on top of your sheets with these lights on.

Everybody knows that UV light affects the skin, and that IR can warm things up; what is less commonly known is the effect of other wavelengths. Blue and red light, plus the ability of the body to transpire more sweat away from the skin during the night, should make a noticeable improvement within a couple of weeks.

You might also consider the materials you sleep on and dress in. If you sleep on a foam mattress, get a sprung one (increased ease of transpiraton), if you have a polyester bedsheet get a cotton one etc.

Plus, if you want to lose a bit of weight with no apparent effort, sleep on top of the sheets but keep the room cool and the window open, and you will gradually increase your body's BMR, for the sake of a couple of nights of poor sleep while you get used to it. You burn most of your calories just staying alive, so if you can lift your BMR, you'll lose weight. Don't worry, when you get knackered enough, you'll sleep properly.

Oh - and you may have swung the balance too far the other way, if you are washing like a maniac all the time. Not washing obviously makes you manky, but overwashing can fuck up your skin. You can overstimulate production of sebum, a sort of oily protective emulsion; you can strip away too many of the dead cells that form the protective outermost layer of the epidermis etc.

If you ever eat salad, make the dressing with lime juice instead of vinegar.

Some of the abnormal growth of follicles associated with the early stages of cyst formation may be due to excessive stimulation of the hairs by your clothes. Your local FE college, if it trains beauticians, is always on on the lookout for people who will allow them to practice their hair removal skills, and you can have awkward area hair (yes, even arsecrack hair) removed for pennies or for free, often by smiling nymphettes in cute uniforms. This allows your follicles to return to a more normal size, during the period of reducued stimulation.

FINAL SUGGESTION:
Try these one at a time, then you'll know which has the best result for you, and which can fit in with your lifestyle without disrupting it too much. The sleep tricks are the easiest, once you've got past the first couple of nights.

Powodzenia!
Blyerkit
( blyerkit e k trilby, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 8:17, closed)

Question for blyerkit
Your advice sounds awesome, I'm very impressed by B3tans' collective knowledge. What difference does lime juice vs vinegar make? How does lemon juice fit into the equation?
Also your body temperature sleeping thing works in reverse- I spent my teenage and early 20s without jumpers and coats, plus grew up in a house with no heating. I've never been skinny, but now that I dress in more than 2 layers occasionally and have heating on October-April (bloody pansy flatmates) I'm always overwarm and am the same weight despite giving up crisps and doing lots of exercise.
Any other bodily advice from the genius that is blyerkit is very welcome!
(octopuspie, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 10:07, closed)

My boyfriend
suffers from spinobifida oculta which gives him the hair-tuft above the arsecrack and he gets cysts there. he's had one oozing for a while, not nice, doctors only want to give him anti-biotics!
he's finally got an appointment with the surgeon to get it operated on but the biggest thing is that he is going to negotiate getting electrolysis or other laser hair removal therapy on the NHS as it would be cheaper for them in the long run

perhaps you should go plead with the doctors to do the same, get rid of the hair electronically and hopefully the problem will go away too!
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Fri 8 Aug 2008, 11:00, closed)

Thanks!
Good luck getting electrolysis on the NHS. They wouldn't do it for me seeing as it's a "preventative treatment." Basically they wouldn't spend a few quid now to save them a pain in the arse (hehe) later on.

Thanks for all the tips folks, I'm very down about the whole ordeal and it makes me feel a bit better when there's other people that are going through it too and people that are willing to help with advice.

Good old beta, knowledge of the masses 4tw.
(knifeh and Mrs Knifeh discovered radioactive bacon!, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 12:03, closed)