Ever smacked yourself in the face with a wooden mallet ???
I have. It hurts.

The screams could be heard across the campsite, all the way into teignmouth.

Parents had bought those boxes of wine, and when emptied, if you open the box there is a bag with the tap on. If you blow into the tap, you can make a fancy pillow for yourself..to much amusement. *coughs*.. anyway, I asked my drunk father if I could burst the pillow with the mallet (large, about 5 " diameter - used to bang in the windbreaks) to which he thought this would be an excellent idea.. so off I trundled, a handful of paces away from the family.. and in a motion that was replicated by Bobby the Barbarian in Dungeons & Dragons, I brought down the mallet with both hands in one almighty smash !

There was no BANG! that day.. The motion of my two handed swing brought my upper body closer to the ground, and the mallet bounced back of the wine pillow and smacked me squarely in the nose.

Blood erupted like mount vesuvius, endlessly pouring everywhere.. cue my mother going hysterical, and my father trying not to laugh as they argued to the point of divorce.

Miraculously I didn't break my nose.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 8 Aug 2008, 13:01, 3 replies)

Classic!
I used to love blowing up those winey balloons when I was a nipper, never tried to mallet one though.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 15:23, closed)

You got a SPANG!
...and you didn't even make a bad pun!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 8 Aug 2008, 16:17, closed)

Weirdly similar to one of mine
Except mine featured a baseball bat and a basketball, there was no purpose, i just thought it would look cool and it did, before i broke my nose. . .
(Lukekull Fuck, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 1:01, closed)