Jim has his foreskin tugged... Hilarity does not ensue.
For much of my youth, I suffered from throbbing pains in my manservant. Not the nice kind you get when you look at a picture of Jenna Jameson taking eight inches of African-American Bangstick up her tuna funnel, but the unpleasant kind that normally results after hitting one's manhood with a lumphammer.

By the time I reached 12 years of age, my parents decided it was time to seek medical attention as the pain had become more acute and regular.

A hirsute doctor manipulated my spam javelin with cold hands (why are they cold for gods sake?), and proclaimed that my foreskin was attached at 2 places on my shaft making a cavity in which infection had spread.

It was decided I would go to hospital as an outpatient and they would expose the cavity, and clean it up.

Now I laboured under the false impression that I would have some sort of anaesthesia for this escapade.
How wrong could I have been? I was strapped (actually I probably wasnt strapped, but this is a painful memory from 23 years ago and has been exaggerated in my mind for 2 decades now), into a stretcher and the consultant pulled my foreskin back snapping the connection with my love truncheon and exposing the lower connection and the gunk which caused the pain.

I made the mistake at this point of looking at my midriff.. It looked like the scene from Alien when the creature bursts out of John Hurt's chest, only this bloody, battered organ was poking out of my nether regions.
I gagged.. Up until this point It had never occurred to me that there was blood there. Naivety was stripped away in one bloody nob, and I threw up, copiously, all over the doctor, myself, the nurse.
And the more I threw up the more the blood pumped out.
Believe me, 23 years later I am still feeling queasy at the thought.

The bleeding stopped after a few days, and it scarted to scab over. I had to put some ointment or other on it for weeks afterwards, to help heal it. Milk races were off the curriculum for the next 3 months.
(Vic Flange, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 17:11, 7 replies)

Did you have your operation in the dark ages?
If so, can I borrow your time machine?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 20:51, closed)

ARGH!
This actually made me feel a little bit sick and sorry for you!
(Mart'n has managed to not be obscene since, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 21:34, closed)

Not the dark ages..
This sounds totally plausible nowadays. He probably WAS strapped to the gurney, too.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 22:38, closed)

I'm sure they'd have at least jabbed his old fella with a local if you're going to start cutting things. After all, there are a LOT of nerve endings in that part of the world!
( Ratsta, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 5:56, closed)

@ TDub
Sure, totally plausible, until you realise the post is by 'Lunar Jim', a notorious story-teller who has admitted, on numerous occasions, to making all of his posts up. I don't mind a bit of fiction, as long as it's clearly labelled as such...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 8:56, closed)

I can see my fabrications have backfired on me.
In this case it was all real. No cutting occurred, the consultant was a guy called Mr Robinson, the hospital was Addenbrookes in Cambridge and he just forceably pulled it back. It was hellish, but very real I can assure you.
(Vic Flange, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 11:20, closed)

*Click*
The knob puns are what did it for me.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 0:13, closed)