Dredging up old stories
That didn't seem all that funny at the time and probably aren't all that funny now either, but hey...it's b3ta...

So there was the time my mum ran over my foot and then forced me to walk to school by forgetting to give me bus fare (google maps tells me it's 3.5 miles and approx 1 hr walking time). Three hours later I arrived at school in no great amount of pain, went to the secretary's office to let them know I was late. One asked why I was limping, so I said my mum was in a hurry and accidently ran over my foot, so I walked. I reassured them I was fine while they exchanged 'what's going on in her home' looks, then to prove it removed my shoe. Foot promptly swelled up like a watermelon in two minutes and there was quite a bit of blood from where a blood blister had been forming, then popped when I took my shoe off. Secretaries fainted, mum was called and I got to wear trainers for 6 months.*

Then there was the time I got stung by five wasps by chatting to a fellow group leader at Daycamps and putting my hand down to grab a bin bag without looking. Hand swelled up again to the size of a watermelon, only this time in about 30 seconds and it rather hurt. Cue me staring at it for a few seconds, trying to comprehend the pain, failing and collapsing into a dead faint on the only bit of concrete (gravel path) there - was all fields far as the eye could see - then coming round to find one of the bits of gravel has penetrated my knee and left an unsightly gash in it which is now pissing blood. Luckily the kids were all further up the fields as it scared the first aider (but not enough to call for proper medical help). Two bandages later (first two just soaked up excess blood and turned red) and I was ready to rejoin my group to go home for the day. We mopped up the blood with super soakers and told the kids when they enquired the next day that we'd spilt one of the vats of blackcurrent juice.**

Since we watched the 1988 winter olympics and cheered on Eddie the eagle edwards and the Jamaican bobsled team, my brothers and I would play indoor sledging as there was never enough snow to go tobogganing and we had a long enough staircase growing up. So we'd start out with a tray, one person sitting on it and the other three to steady it on a pivot and do the bobsled chant. So far so good, three seconds of YEEEEAAAAAHHH and then crash into the solid chest at the bottom. We were equipped with the latest BMX elbow pads, helmets and knee pads, so figured we were fine. That became less of a challenge, so we decided to make it more fun. When my parents came home, my eldest brother was still trying to wash out the blood stains from where I'd gone down the stairs fully encased in a sleeping bag, no safety pads and strapped to two trays and gone feet first into the wooden chest. Quick trip to hospital later revealed I'd broken three toes one one foot and almost lacerated my achilles tendon on the other.***

*was my fault we were late and she hadn't realised how bad my foot was as it didn't hurt until halfway through the walk and I was wearing toe caps, so I bear no malice, just makes an amusing story.

**This I did for 98p an hour as a teenager, but would still do again given the chance as there was no other job like it and I got to teach archery, so not a bad thing ,)

***Wearing converse saved my feet from further damage as I'd done the other runs barefoot.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 20:50, 1 reply)

*click*
For being as accident-prone as me
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 22:46, closed)