Venison doom.
Just before christmas a friend and I stopped on the way home from work to move a crippled deer out of the road – it was twitching in the middle of the lane and drivers were skidding and swerving to avoid it. An accident was inevitable.

Yes it was.

My mate tossed the dying beast onto the verge and crossed the road back towards me, which is when a car zoomed over the hill at fifty and splatted the poor fucker like, ahem, a deer in the headlights. He sailed about 20 metres through the air and landed in an ungainly heap on the other side of the road. I could see immediately that his leg was destroyed – it was pointing in four different directions. Unfortunately, another car then came along and went over the mangled limb, crushing all the bone ends and muscle into the tarmac.

I got over there and found him with the left side of his forehead hanging off, making what we now jokingly refer to as 'the bad noise' – think of a sheep being forcibly deflated through its japs eye, something like that. Paramedics and the like soon turned up, and cut away his trousers, exposing a horror the likes of which I've never seen.

Basically, everything below the knee had pretty much exploded. There were three large gaping holes with muscle and bone and blood oozing out. On top of that, it later transpired that he had a broken skull, snapped left arm, broken collarbone, fractured vertebrae, broken pelvis, broken knee cap, broken ribs, and severe tissue loss on both legs from the second car. Also, they had to take out his stomach muscle and graft into his calf, as the original leg muscle was still on the road. Amazingly, he'll have made a full recovery in about six months from now. Jammy twat.

Went back to the scene two weeks later and got that fucking deer's bastard head. It's in a bucket of bleach in the garden still.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 16:12, 2 replies)

If only you'd started with:
"....a crippled old dear...." as I thought you had. How disappointing! Still, here, have a click.


*Click*
(Oil Slick, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 10:52, closed)

click
bit weird having to click 'i like this', nearly made me puke, but desereves a click for sheer full recovery jammy twatness!
(babyjak, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 15:09, closed)