In the days before computers...
I worked in an office that had 5 years of company remittance advices boxed by month and week. Also, it was the days before air con, and we regularly had the windows open - right next to the boxes. Pigeons used to come along and shit on the window ledge.

Now I don't know if it was paper mites or something from bird shit, but after opening one of the oldest boxes for audit purposes, something bit me, just above the lip.

Anyhoo... as the days passed, a lump developed, which turned into a angry-mofo-of-a-lump, and stretched my mouth and started to spread into my top lip. The pain was intense. The boil looked like a peach coloured grape hanging from under my nose. It hurt to eat, sleep, drink, smile, etc..

Eventually, it erupted, emitting blood, piss (it smelt like stale piss) and the kind of think green snot you only see on a two year old with flu. It left a hole that looked like I'd been stabbed in the face with a x-head screw driver. The sense of well being was immediate on release.

I had something that was only a fraction of that in my chest some years later. For that they removed half my nipple. Nobody knows about the op, so no, they don't call me Arthur Nipple.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 12:45, 3 replies)

I shall now call you
alpha nipple.
(username failed moderation, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 12:49, closed)

Name-calling is the 'worst form of bullying'
{Runs to mummy}
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 12:52, closed)

Count yourself lucky
I haven't done a picture of you as a puppy.
(username failed moderation, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 14:21, closed)