Ooh, I remembered one
When my boyfriend was at uni, a lovely American girl lived in his flat for a semester on some sort of exchange thing. I was spending a lot of time at his halls of residence getting stoned, baking and generally being studenty. This girl and I became very good friends and would hang out a lot, particularly on the rare occasions when my boyfriend was studying; cooking together, comparing British and American comedy DVDs, going to the supermarket... and to lesbian bars.

It wasn't until about two months after we'd met that I found out she was gay. She had no friends who would go out to gay clubs with her, as most of her fellow Americans were a bit backward. My mother is a professional dominatrix, so I was well accustomed to various bizarre characters hanging about our house and therefore happily grew up quite liberal and hard to shock. So we explored London's lesbian hangouts together, and had a lot of fun. My boyfriend and I came to an understanding that me getting off with girls didn't constitute cheating.

I won't go into the enormous girl who grabbed my bum, or the boyish Thai who bought me endless drinks but barely spoke English, but I will mention Fernanda.

Fernanda was Brazilian, very cute. She eyed me from some distance before coming over to talk to me. I was rather drunk, and had spent a large portion of the night poledancing with my American friend. Hence I was in quite a silly mood. I invited my new Brazilian friend to dance with me, beckoning her up on to the raised dance floor. Turned out she was already on the dance floor, she was just REALLY short. Oh well, no big problem.

We danced, we made out, there was groping. We talked as much as the language barrier would allow. Eventually my friend and I left, with Fernanda reluctantly staying on as her mate was not ready to leave. We exchanged phone numbers, I thought hey, maybe she'd even be up for some fun with me and my boyfriend (I had told her I was bi, but not that I was attached).

I never got the chance to find out, because when it took me a few hours to answer her 4am text she turned into a psycho. She called and texted and stalked me until eventually she went back to Brazil.

I have now decided never to date a girl. We're good for fun, but fuck are we neurotic.

I never found out about her depth or volume.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sat 18 Nov 2006, 11:45, Reply)